Make sure you put the hot dog in your mouth nice and slowly.
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- Off we go. - Where are we going? I'm not going anywhere with you.
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How's my face? Is it too shiny? Which side is better? Right, left, full frontal?
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I taught you well. Hey, maybe you could even host the show.
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They're so... So... You tell them, Mike. You should tell them. Yes, yes. Yes, you tell them.
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Come on. You just like being a big fish in a little pond.
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And if you do salvage the situation, you'll never be more than Abby...
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- Stand by to go to three. - Yeah, so some... Cacciatore gets mushrooms, garlic. Exactly. - Yeah. Put the mushrooms in. - All right. And whatever amount of garlic you want. - Really? - You can't have enough garlic. - Oh, you can. - I certainly can. - Do it every night. - I got a nice, big spoon for you. - Oh, excellent. Thank you. - Here you go.
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So you just moved in. That's great. I'm Abby, by the way. Your neighbor from across the way.
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And I was thinking we should go out for dinner sometime. There is a new French bistro in town... ...and an art opening that got amazing reviews. So I was thinking we could go on Friday.
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Morning, everyone, I'm Larry Freeman. Another beautiful day in Sacramento. And I'm here with a beautiful woman. - Go, 1. - All right, here we go. Thank you, Larry. - I'm Georgia Bordeney. - Ready for the single on Georgia. For years, there have been concerns about lowering television standards. But many believe that this man and his local public-access show... ...have brought things to a new low. With that, we welcome Mike Chadway. How you doing, guys? Mike, how do you respond to people who say your show is offensive? Well, it is. But then again, so is the truth.
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- Well, you totally hosed me. - What? Last week on your show, you said, "Always be mean to hot girls... ...because they'll want you more." Well, I tried it on Shauna. She cried, and then I got detention. First of all, don't listen to what I say on my show.
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And it's a great place to raise a family. Really good school system. The parks are clean and well-maintained and safe. And there's a much lower divorce rate here than there is in New York.
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So there you have it. Never assume a girl is easy or assume she's a prude. There are many layers in between. And it's your job, gentlemen, to peel back those layers... ...and figure out exactly what type of woman you're dealing with. That sounded almost enlightened. Because once you do peel back those layers, my friends... ...her lady garden awaits. - And he's back. And I'm pretty sure you're gonna wanna fertilize that patch of petunias. Well, thanks, Mike. Coming up after this message, Javier tells us if your petunias... ...are gonna see any rainfall this weekend. I sure hope mine do. I wanna go home, but let's go over the script. Yeah, let's get it done really quickly.
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... over here, we have something quite different. - This isn't on my list. - Follow me. Is the segment over? Where the hell's he going? - Follow him. Follow him. - Go with him, Remote 1. - Hey. - Babes wrestling in Jell-O. - Oh, Jell-O. That's great. - Hello? Abby? - People calling and freaking out. - Oh, Jesus.
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What is this? What is this, baby?
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...every hour, on the hour.
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- That is a problem. - Yeah. Call Matt at Media Lab. He's got some Skycams. - Where are all my weathermen? - Right here. - Hey. - Hello. Thank you all for coming. You guys look great. Thanks for being here. Good. Is there a reason they're all overweight? If they get the forecast wrong... ...research shows people are more willing to forgive a fat guy. I hate to do this. I don't think I can work with her. It's bad enough I have to take her criticism at home. - A man can only endure so much. - Larry, you are not a man... ...you are a newsman.