- Kevin likes it. - He likes getting head. Gee, what a total shocker. What about you, Vicky? I mean, h-have you just never had one with Kevin... or have you never had one, period? I've had one. - I think. - Okay. That's a no. No wonder you're not psyched about sex. You tell me you never even had one manually? - I've never tried it. - You've never double-clicked your mouse?
American Pie
1m15s
So, uh, would you object if I said that you were quite striking? Mr. Finch, are you trying to seduce me? - Yes, ma'am, I am. - # And here's to you # # Mrs. Robinson # # Jesus loves you more than you will know # # Stand up tall, Mrs. Robinson # - Mmm, you're dead. - # God in heaven smiles on those who pray # # Hey, hey, hey # # Hey, hey, hey ## # Hey, hey, hey ## # Sway my way # # Yeah, I need to know # # All about you # # And there's no cure # # And no way to be sure # # Why everything's turned inside out # # Instilling so much doubt # # It makes me so tired # # I feel so uninspired # # My head is battling with my heart # # My logic has been torn apart And now ## - I had no idea you'd be this good. - Neither did I. Oh, Finchy. Finch. - Oh, Stifler's mom! - Finchy!
American Pie
28.7s
Excuse me, everyone. Sorry to interrupt. I just thought you all should know this. Chuck Sherman is a liar. I never had sex with him. He's never had sex with anyone. I know this because he told me. Once he tried to screw a grapefruit, but that's all. Oh. He also told me that when he gets nervous, he sometimes wets his pants. Thank you for your time.
American Pie
3.6s
- I wanna have sex. - Now?
American Pie
3.4s
What's wrong?
American Pie
32.8s
Ow! Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early this time. What makes you think that I would come early? Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing. Yes, I am. So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca."
American Pie
22.8s
Vicky, think it's time to take the next step in our relationship? - Tonight? - Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. I mean, it's how you've always pictured it, isn't it? Damn, my parts fuckin' stink! Dude, you gotta take a shit! You smell like a Yeti! Or not. Just relax.
American Pie
7.9s
Okay, let's go. What's my name? Say my name, bitch! Michelle, Michelle.
American Pie
12s
Xenophobic. Oh! - Regurgitation. - I know that one.
American Pie
5s
Exactly. - Okay, Albert. You ready? - No problemo.
American Pie
2.1s
That was a great night, huh?
American Pie
3.2s
I wasn't lying.
American Pie
10s
- Why are you doing this? - 'Cause I want to. Yeah? Well, you can't fake this. You better practice.
American Pie
8s
We'll tell you on the bus. I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. My date too, perhaps?
American Pie
35.2s
You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way! Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! Look. Sarah, I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. I promise. So, just... relax, take it slow... and let the good times roll.
American Pie
26.3s
- Let me know. - Okay. Keep going. I should be able to talk to girls. I'm articulate. You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. Bullshit. There's no way. I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. Copious. Verisimilitude. Oh, ohh. Now.
American Pie
18.1s
- Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. So, no ladies left. It was a very special night, very special. Guys. Guys.
American Pie
11s
And then he just puked his brains out. - That is a nasty story. - Yep, I told you. Do you want to hear a nasty story of mine? It's sort of sexual.