Fucking eyeball. [breathes shakily] - Jess. - Shut up. Shut up! I don't wanna hear it. I don't even wanna look at you. I just wanna find my kids, who don't have their goddamn phones because you threw them away! [crowd cheering]
I haven't changed you. We have to get this off of you before you get a rash. You forgot the diaper bag. - Oh. - [chuckling] [grunts] - Oh, my gosh. - [elevator dings] - Ooh, gosh. It's a real messy one. - [groans]
The Family Plan
32.3s
- Yeah. You. - Come on. I wanted to tell you about everything, but there was never a good time. - Never a good time? - When was I gonna tell you? On our first date? Our second? When you were pregnant with Nina or by our fourth? - What? - Do the math, Nina. Any of those times would have been a better time. You should have told me the truth, and I could have made up my own mind. You're right. I'm sorry. I was stupid and selfish. But I was in love with you. I mean, you've been my whole world since the moment we met. Being your husband and their father, that's the real me. That's all that matters to me. All right. I swear on my life, I'll never keep anything from you again.
The Family Plan
1.6s
I didn't want you to fight him.
The Family Plan
7.3s
You're not anti-technology. You're-- You're awesome.
The Family Plan
3.1s
I want every inch of this atrium covered.
The Family Plan
32.6s
[Dan sighs] - Mmm? Oh, shit. - Hey. Anniversary sex. - [moaning] - Mmm, I'm awake. I'm awake. I'm totally awake. - [breathes heavily] - I'm so sorry tonight was a bust. - I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise. - Oh, it's okay. - [groans, moans] - It's okay. [moans] You know what? I should have kicked that guy's ass for what he said to you. [laughing] Oh, God. You totally could've taken him, honey. [inhales deeply, moans] [sighs] Oh, babe. Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed.
The Family Plan
7.6s
- Ow. - Sorry. [chuckles] No way. A Sky Raven drone? Awesome. [tracker] Just, careful with it.
The Family Plan
1.8s
- Thank you. - Thank you.
The Family Plan
8.2s
Hey, bro. Everyone I know is talking about what Kyllboi did at HyperX last night. - Really? - Yeah. [chuckles] Kyle. Less talking, more tying, okay?
The Family Plan
16s
[toy chimes] [Dan] Whoa. What are you doing up? [babbles] [sniffs, groans] Oh, you want me to do the thing, huh? [blows] - Wait, wait. Go. - [giggling] - [passes gas, babbling] - [Dan grunts, mumbles] Wipey, wipey.
The Family Plan
2.7s
- New record! [chuckles] - [babbles]
The Family Plan
1.2s
[Dan] I got a plan.
The Family Plan
47.1s
Are you here for work? No, I'm-- I'm here to see my ex. [instructor] Now swap. Sorry... [pants] ...TMI. Don't worry about it. Just take it out on the bag. - That's what I do. [grunting] - [chuckles] - How old is your daughter? - [grunts] Seventeen. - [grunts] - [gasps] Oh, my God. [gasps] - [chuckles] I am so sorry... - [chuckles] Mmm. ...about that again. Ah, how's it feeling? Mmm, it's, um-- - No, it's fine. It's a story. - [chuckles] I got beat up by a physical therapist at the gym. [chuckles] God. You have a mean right hook, by the way. Oh, thanks. - Gosh. - Mmm. [smacks lips] Okay. So, where were we? - Three kids... - Mmm. Three kids. Yeah. Yeah. Just when I thought I was sending one off to college, um, along came Max. Adorable. Adorable...