It was a time before cell phones and steroids. And for Ron and his now-wife Veronica, life was good. The Tooth Fairy's exposed breast made the child uncomfortable. The Bishop wore buttless chaps to the bat mitzvah. Bat mitzvah. The garden gnome had a normal-size penis. The garden gnome had a normal-size penis.
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Come back!
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Sorry.
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You know what? What?
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Oh, wow, he was having some fun.
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It's sexual and yet frightening. It's an odd mixture.
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Oh, no! Grab the children! Save the children! Five, four... Have a great broadcast. You, too, darling.
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Corningstone. Corningstone.
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Good evening. This is the weekend edition of WBC News at 6:30. I'm Ron Burgundy. And I'm Veronica Corningstone. Our top story tonight. The U.N. today announced sanctions against... When the broadcast is over, send these two up to my office.
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Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy!
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Would it be wrong to say you smell terrific? Ron, please! Okay. What are you?
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And after I received my Masters in Journalism from Columbia, I got a job with the London bureau for ABC News. Wow, London. You're so impressive, and I've... I've only been out of the United States twice. A handful of times in Mexico, and then the second time I left the country, we went to Salem, Oregon. Mr. Burgundy, are you nervous? God, yes. Did I scare you by coming on so strong?
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Oh, my God.
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Ron! No!
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However, we won't begin our tale here. No, our story begins in a place all newsmen dream of. In New York City.
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I think that's exactly what's about to happen. Oh, my God. That's what's happening, isn't it? I'm hyperventilating. Yes, I see that.
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What about Gary? We split up two weeks ago. He was too emotionally stable. It was so annoying! And so, just like the passing of the seasons, it came time for Doby to return to the deep waters he was meant to call home. I hear his tail splashing! He's actually swimming away! Is he looking back for us over his shoulder? Sharks don't have shoulders, Ron. No, he just swam away, and he's instantly looking for fish to eat.