[ALAN CHUCKLES] You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago... ...when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought: 'Wait a second. Could it be? ' And now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack." - All right. - All right. ALAN: "Four of us wolves... ...running around the desert together in Las Vegas... ...looking for strippers and cocaine." So tonight... ...I make a toast. - Whoa. - What...? - What do you got there? PHIL: Dude, what the fuck? DOUG: What the hell are you doing?
The Hangover
41.8s
That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday. Okay, but why? I mean, why you? He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio. - What? - We were at the Bellagio? We were shooting craps. You don't remember? No. No, we don't remember. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy. Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin? Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer. Ruphylin, for your information, is the date-rape drug. You sold Alan roofies. Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan. Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one.
The Hangover
34.3s
Hey! What the hell, man? [CRYING] MELISSA: What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby? Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat. - Where is he? - I don't know! What are you talking about? Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here? I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked. Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu? - Hey! There's a baby on board! - Someone just said "baby." - Get out of the car! - It's a baby goat. Why you making trouble for my business, man? - Go away from here. - Get out of the car! - Phil, he's got a gun! - No shit he's got a gun! - I gotta call you back. Bye. - Come on.
The Hangover
35s
- Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine. - What do you want? Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douche bag. What? Look, we're very sorry. But this is an easy fix. - Alan, where's his purse? - I don't know. - It's in the hotel room, right? - Yeah, we can get it. We can get you the... We can even write you a check right now. No chance. Cash only. - There's a person in there. CHOW: Boring. [YAWNS] Take nap. Come on. Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you! PHIL: Doug, it's okay. - You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper! PHIL: Wait. STU: Oh, no. You're not going anywhere.
The Hangover
7s
DOUG: Uh-Oh. - What the hell is that? STU: What do you think? If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake.
The Hangover
6.9s
Hey, sweetie, it's okay. I got a little snack for you. Real important that you eat this, okay?
The Hangover
4.8s
PHIL: Oh, God. ALAN: Watch it! STU: His nose. That's his nose.
The Hangover
4.8s
All right, let's pick a room, let's get dressed. Be ready in 30 minutes.
The Hangover
44.6s
Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy. Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into? - You know him? - This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. - How you doing? - I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs. - Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? - Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...? - Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? - I am Doug. - Your name's Doug? - Yes, I'm Doug. His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up. Come on. - Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug. - Not my problem. No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you! - No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. - Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.
The Hangover
32.1s
You're okay. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on. Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you. - He's alive. - What the fuck is going on? We can explain everything, but right now we gotta go. - Hey, bud. You okay? - No. Not okay. You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous. - I'm getting married today. - Yes, you are. That's why you need to focus and do everything we say. Because, frankly, you're wasting a little bit of time right now. You fucking asshole!
The Hangover
14.9s
CHOW: Ta-da. [STU SHOUTS] Is this some kind ofjoke? Who the hell is this? That is not Doug. What you talking about, Willis? That him. No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow. That's not our friend. - He... That's... - The Doug we're looking for is a white.
The Hangover
7s
And I promise for as long as we're married... ...to never, ever put you through anything like this again.
The Hangover
8.2s
Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones. They just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms. Yeah.
The Hangover
5.2s
So, what do you guys got under there? Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business."
The Hangover
4.5s
I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess?