Found 309 results

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A book of jokes.

Joker

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If it was me dying on the sidewalk, - you'd walk right over me. - To all of those who have been ignored by the system. And always remember, that's life! And as you see, Gotham is burning.

Joker

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Yes, ma'am.

Joker

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The news never ends. This is 1080 GCR. You get all the news you need, all day long. Good morning. It's 42 degrees at 10:30 on this Thursday, October 15th. I'm Stan L. Brooks, and here's what's happening. It's day 18 of the garbage strike, with 10,000 tons of garbage piling up every day. Even the nicest sections of the city are looking like slums. Health Commissioner Edward O'Rourke is declaring a city-wide state of emergency for the first time in decades. There's no need to wait until somebody dies or comes down with typhoid fever. It's already a serious situation. It's something that affects almost everyone in the city, no matter who they are or where they live. You can't go down no one avenue without seeing nothing but garbage and rats. It's starting to affect my business when customers can't get in here because of the garbage situation. I'm not out that long to smell it, but I think to look at it, it's terrible. It don't affect me except for the very bad smell here. It's horrific. It's a mess. I've been in this country for 50 years, and I've never seen anything like it. What is this world coming to? Put 'em in a room, let 'em sit there and talk until they get it over with. 24 hours, 48 hours, how long it takes. The idea of the National Guard moving in and cleaning up is a good idea. In other news, the building industry and landlords today expressed concern over the latest increase in heating oil prices. Renters in the metro area are certain to feel the pinch...

Joker

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How about another joke, Murray? No, I think we've had enough of your jokes. - What do you get... - I don't think so. ...when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Call the police, Gene! - I'll tell you what you get! - Call the police. You get what you fucking deserve!

Joker

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Stop them! Come on, run! Hey!

Joker

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Hey, what's your name? Arthur. Hey, Arthur, you're a really good dancer. I know. You know who's not? Him.

Joker

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Or me. Everybody's telling me that my stand-up's ready for the big clubs. But, Happy, what makes you think you could do that? - What do you mean? - I mean... Don't you have to be funny to be a comedian?

Joker

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Hey, Bobby, would you put the lights on? Who is that? Was that you? You wanna stand up, please? Stand up for me. Go ahead.

Joker

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I'm telling you, she wanted my number. We should've just stayed. You're dreaming, man. She wasn't interested at all. Are you nuts? Did you see how close we were dancing? She was in love. She couldn't wait to get away from you. Ryan! Ryan, am I crazy? Tell him what you saw.

Joker

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This building is so awful, right, Mommy? Yes, we can hear you, GiGi. It's so awful, Mommy.

Joker

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Hey.

Joker

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Listen, I'm trying to help you. Okay? And I'll tell you something else. The other guys, they don't feel comfortable around you, Arthur, because people think you're weird. Okay? And I can't have that around me.

Joker

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Hello, Hoyt. Gary said you wanted to see me. How's the comedy career? Are you a famous stand-up yet? Not quite. Just been working on my material. No, don't sit. This'll be quick. Look, I like you, Arthur. You know, a lot of the guys, they think you're a freak, but I like you.

Joker

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Right, Mommy?

Joker

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Come on.

Joker

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Punch him in the dick, Gary.

Joker

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This building is so awful, isn't it?

Joker