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...tonight. - All right, Alan.

The Hangover

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59.5s
[ALAN CHUCKLES] You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So were there two... So there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago... ...when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought: 'Wait a second. Could it be? ' And now, I know for sure. I just added two more guys to my wolf pack." - All right. - All right. ALAN: "Four of us wolves... ...running around the desert together in Las Vegas... ...looking for strippers and cocaine." So tonight... ...I make a toast. - Whoa. - What...? - What do you got there? PHIL: Dude, what the fuck? DOUG: What the hell are you doing?

The Hangover

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It was... Ahem. It was crazy. Attaboy. [CHUCKLES]

The Hangover

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Don't even look at it. Go on, get out. You heard me. Don't look at me, either. Yeah, you better walk on. - He's actually kind of funny. - Yeah, he means well. ALAN: I'll hit an old man in public.

The Hangover

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Come on.

The Hangover

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- That's a beautiful ring. - Yeah. It's my grandmother's. She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that thing. Wait, have you not listened to anything I have ever said? Phil, we've been dating for three years. It's time. This is how it works. A, that is bullshit. And B, she is a complete bitch. Hey, that's his fiancée. What? It's true. It's true. You know it's true. She beats him. That was twice, and I was out of line. She's strong-willed. And I respect that. Wow. Wow. He's in denial. Not to mention, she fucked a sailor. DOUG: Hey, he wasn't a sailor.

The Hangover

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Actually...

The Hangover

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Hey! What the hell, man? [CRYING] MELISSA: What the fuck, Stu? Is that a baby? Why would there be a baby? We're at a winery. That's a goat. - Where is he? - I don't know! What are you talking about? Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here? I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked. Oh, my God! What the hell is happening, Stu? - Hey! There's a baby on board! - Someone just said "baby." - Get out of the car! - It's a baby goat. Why you making trouble for my business, man? - Go away from here. - Get out of the car! - Phil, he's got a gun! - No shit he's got a gun! - I gotta call you back. Bye. - Come on.

The Hangover

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Dougie... ...I gotta tell you, man, this was a gorgeous wedding. - I give it six months. - You're a dick.

The Hangover

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Hey, guys!

The Hangover

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- I was so upset when my grandpa died. - Oh, I'm s... How'd he die? - World War II. - Died in battle? No, he was skiing in Vermont. It was just during World War II.

The Hangover

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STU: What are you doing? ALAN: Hey, guys. Check it out. Watch this. That's me, I'm on TV. I've never been on TV before. DOUG: What are you doing, man? Really? Really, Alan?

The Hangover

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STU: W... W... Wait. Those are the guys that shot Eddie. [SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] - Listen... MAN 1: Let's go! - Okay. - Oh, no. STU: Easy, easy. MAN 2: Come on. PHIL: Okay. All right. - All right, all right. MAN 2: Let's go.

The Hangover

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Don't make any sudden movements.

The Hangover

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Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy, little boy. Damn, Alan, what the fuck you got me into? - You know him? - This is the guy that sold me the bad drugs. - How you doing? - I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs. - Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin? - Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru...? Wha...? - Who gives a shit? Where is Doug? - I am Doug. - Your name's Doug? - Yes, I'm Doug. His name's Doug too. Ha. Classic mix-up. Come on. - Hey, Chow. You gave us the wrong Doug. - Not my problem. No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our 80 grand back and take him with you! - No. Come on. I'll be your Doug. - Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take him back. Right after you suck on these little Chinese nuts.

The Hangover

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So, what do you guys got under there? Just a whole bunch of "mind your own business."

The Hangover

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All right, to a night we'll never remember...

The Hangover

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Oh, fuck!

The Hangover