Found 446 results
1m1s
Soap. Sorry? I make and I sell soap- the yard stick of civilization. And this is how I met... "Tyler Durden." Did you know, if you mixed equal parts of gasoline and frozen or angejuice concentrate, you can make napalm? No, I did not know that. Is that true? That's right. One can make all kinds of explosives using simple household items. Really? If one were so inclined. Tyler, you are, by far, the most interesting "single-serving" friend I've ever met. See, obviously, everything on a plane is single-serving, even- Oh, I get it. It's very clever. Thank you. How's that working out for you? What? Being clever. Great. Keep it up, then. Right up. Now a question of etiquette. As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
Fight Club
1m7s
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. I was a recall coordinator. My job was to apply the formula. Here's where the infant went through the windshield. 3 points. A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 miles per hour. The rear differential locks up. The teenager's braces are wrapped around the back seat ashtray. Might make a good antismoking ad. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? The father must've been huge. You see where the fat has burned to the seat, the polyester shirt? - Very modern art. - Ha ha ha! Take the number of vehicles in the field, "A," multiply it by the probable rate of failure, "B," then multiply the result by the average out-of - court settlement, "C." "A" times "B" times "C" equals "X." If "X" is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one. Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents? You wouldn't believe. Which car company do you work for? A major one.
Fight Club
49s
Was-Was it ticking? Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking, 'cause modern bombs don't tick. Sorry. "Throwers"? Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the thrower's gotta call the police. My suitcase... was vibrating? 9 times out of 10, it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article a dildo. Never your dildo. I don't own a- I had everything in that suitcase- my CK shirts, my DKNY shoes, my AX ties.
Fight Club
44.1s
Oh, it's late. Hey, thanks for the beer. Yeah, man. I should find a hotel. Oh. What? What? A hotel. Yeah. Just ask, man. What are you talking about? Oh, God. 3 pitchers of beer, and you still can't ask. What? You called me 'cause you needed a place to stay. Oh, hey, no, no, no. Yes, you did. So just ask. Cut the foreplay and just ask, man. Would that be a problem? Is it a problem for you to ask? Can I stay at your place? Yeah. Thanks.
Fight Club
39.8s
Who turned the lights off? It used to be that when I came home angry or depressed, l�d just clean my condo, polish my Scandinavian furniture. I should've been looking for a new condo. I should've been haggling with my insurance company. I should've been upset about my nice, neat flaming little shit. But I wasn't. The basic premise of cyber-netting any office is make things more efficient. Monday mornings, all I could do was think about next week. Can I get the icon in cornflower blue? Absolutely. Efficiency is priority number one, people, because waste is a thief. I showed this already to my man, here. You liked it, didn't you?
Fight Club
26.6s
If you could fight anyone, who would you fight? I'd fight my boss, probably. Really? Yeah. Why, who would you fight? I'd fight my dad. I don't know my dad. I mean, I know him, but he left when I was, like, 6 years old, married this other woman and had some other kids. He, like, did this every 6 years. He goes to a new city and starts a new family. Fucker should open up franchises.
Fight Club