Found 289 results
22.1s
Look, I don't expect you to understand. You're young. You have a long, long time before you have to look into that abyss. But the way I see it, having sex with that girl is my last stand. And I can't do it without you. So I'm asking you. Please, Jason, just stay one more day so I can do this. Please.
Dirty Grandpa
41s
New dad at 72. Great fucking idea. Hey, watch your potty mouth! - Jesus, sorry... - Yeah, clean up your language. And show some respect for your new grandmother! - I'm sorry, honey. - That's all right. And sweetie, would it kill you to visit us sometimes? - We never see you. - Sorry, Nanna. Did you get that card I sent for your birthday? - Yeah. - Mm-hm. Yeah, with the $12 check? It was a very nice touch. Thank you. Thank you, that's right. Hey, are you gaining some weight? - You look a little heavy in the face. - No, what are you talking about? - Where'd this come from, huh? - What? - You wanna... - Where'd these guys come from? - What? - Wanna go get the car? - Yeah. All right. - Okay. I'll pull around the minivan. Go to Daddy. There we go, come to Daddy. All right.
Dirty Grandpa
34.5s
- Shadia! - Jason? Stop the bus! I need to talk to you! What are you doing here - in an ice cream truck? - Stop the bus! - Okay! - Pull over! I'm not pulling over! Thanks a lot, Pam! You narc! What! I'm not a narc, Barry! Fuck you! Pam, you know him? Barry? Yeah, he's, like, my best friend. I sold him, like, six tons of ecstasy... Oh! That's why they're not stopping the bus. It's full of drugs. Classic Pam. - I know that man. - Stop the bus! - Jason, where are you going? - What are you doing?
Dirty Grandpa
1m7s
So you're a lawyer at your dad's firm now, is that right? That's right, and Meredith is too. You know, her dad is one of the managing partners there, so... - I know, that's... - Yeah. It couldn't have worked out better. Because it's just that I remember when you were in high school, you told me how much you wanted to be a photographer, travel the world. That sort of thing. You remember when I got you that subscription to Time magazine? Yeah, I used to be into photography, but, um... I mean, with Dad being at the firm, pfft, it just made so much more sense to focus on a college curriculum that stressed the law school track. I mean, I love what I do, Grandpa. Being a corporate lawyer is awesome, I get to handle SEC compliance... - No shit! - Yeah. Yeah. You handle SEC compliance? - LP agreements. - Oh, man, I didn't know that. - LLC agreements. - You're shitting me! Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides. - You know what I'd rather do? - What? I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth from a fucking hot air balloon. That's me. I'm gonna hit the liquor store over there, get some more of the creature. Meet you back at the Dildomobile in five. You're paying the check, Alan Douche-owitz.
Dirty Grandpa
39.5s
I just don't understand why he wants you to take him. You're not even that close. Well, we used to be. Grandpa and I got along growing up. We used to build these model trains every Christmas, so I brought him... Well, it seems like we're cutting it a little close here, you know, - with the rehearsal brunch on Friday... - I know. I know. And by the way, I can't find any of the Martha's Vineyard vacation photos for the slide show. I'm just freaking out. That's because they're on my laptop, which I've got right here. So I'll send them to the wedding planner. You don't have to worry about anything. Thanks. And your dad says take 75, because 16 takes forever. Yeah, I know. He's got it all mapped out for me. And can you take my car, sweetie? Uh, I need the SUV for the wine.
Dirty Grandpa
21.8s
"This day I call the heavens and the earth as a witness against you..." "...that I have set before you life and death..." Hey, babe, I found the tie you're going to wear to the rehearsal brunch Sunday. Do you like the coral color or the salmon? "...that the race is not to the swift..." Either one. "...nor the battle to the strong."
Dirty Grandpa