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Ed! Eddie, Eddie, don't do that!
Birdman
You're such an asshole!
Birdman
Ed... I don't exist.
Birdman
I'm not even here.
Birdman
Oh, fuck you! Oh.
Birdman
You can't get it up in six months and now you want to fuck me in front of 800 strangers?!
Birdman
...They're fucking in a motel room.
Birdman
What? That's the best you've been. Why would you do that?! We were onstage!
Birdman
That's kind of hot!
Birdman
I need it to feel real, okay? I need that intensity.
Birdman
What's wrong? He's an asshole. What'd he do now? Oh, nothing, just try to fuck me in front of the audience! Oh, my God! Right?
Birdman
...but in the real world, where it counts, you're a fucking fraud! How's that for truth, you dick?!
Birdman
No, we can't, Mike! Maybe up here, you're Mr. Truth...
Birdman
What? Hey, no, wait. Look, look, I'm sorry. Can we just...
Birdman
I told you to stop, you fucking animal.
Birdman
You deserve to be loved, Eddie. You do.
Birdman
You were brilliant.
Birdman