Found 222 results
1m19s
# Till the evenin' ends ## All right, status check. Where do you guys stand? Finch, we know where you are, but can't really use that as an excuse. Jim? Uh, my date's a flute-toting band dork. Does that answer your question? Oz, is this vocal-jazz shit gonna pay off or what? Kevin, what's with the attitude? Attitude? Me? I think you guys should be a little more enthusiastic. This is the night we've been waiting for. We're in this together. You guys can't back out. Kev, you don't need us to get laid. Are you afraid or something? No. Come on. We made a pact. You can't break that. You guys are gonna have to... Have to what, Kev, huh? I don't have to do shit. Forget it already. I am so sick and tired of all this bullshit pressure. I've never even had sex, and already, I can't stand it. I hate sex! And I'm not gonna stand around here busting my balls over something that, quite frankly, isn't that damn important. I'm gonna go hang out with that geek over there... 'cause at least she has something else to talk about besides sex. Goddamn.
American Pie
1m6s
- # Calling your name # - Uh... - # Calling # - Oh. # Your name ## Jim? - Oh! Oh, no. - Oh, no. - Oh. Ohh! - Liftoff aborted. Houston, we have a problem. What happened? What did he do He blew it. I guess I'll be going now. No, no, no, I'm... I'm not done, Nadia. I've, uh... I've got reserves. Nadia, please, please. I'm begging you. Well, I do like your dirty magazines. You do? Okay. Well. Um. Did-Did... Did you see this one? This here is your... is your more, uh, exotic, risque magazine. - He's pullin' out the porn. - He's desperate. Jim, just wait till she leaves. Very arousing women. They arouse me... They arouse me very, very much. But, uh... But not as arousing as you. - Oh, Jim! - Oh, God!
American Pie
1m1s
Dude, it's not like I haven't been trying to get laid. Think about when you work out, Oz. You gotta have someone there, right? Someone to spot you. Someone to keep you motivated. Well, that's exactly what we can do for each other. I mean, we'll be there to keep each other on track. Separately, we are flawed and vulnerable, but together, we are the masters of our sexual destiny. Their tiger-style kung fu is strong. But our dragon-style will defeat it. - Guys! - The Shaolin masters from East and West must unite! - Fight, and find out who is number one. - Guys! Come on. You're ruining my moment here. This is our very manhood at stake. We must make a stand, here and now. No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! We will fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid and should be. This is our day. This is our time. And, by God, we will not stand by and watch history condemn us into celibacy. - Amen. Yes. - I like that. - We will make a stand. We will succeed. - 'Bout time! - We will get laid! - Yeah! - Yeah!
American Pie
47.2s
- Oh, my God! - Jackpot, baby! - Can you believe this? - Nadia, I would have never known. I have an announcement that I would like to make. There is a gorgeous woman... masturbating on my bed! - Thank you, Nadia! - If you ever had a chance with Nadia, this is it. - What am I supposed to do, Kev? - Seduce her. Wha... What the hell would I say? Go over there and ask her if she needs an extra hand. - That's stupid, Kev. I can't... - That's not stupid! You're stupid if you don't go! Come on! Get over there! - Get goin', man. She's prime. - Get out of here! - She's waitin' for you. - Okay, all right. I'm goin'. - Go! - Go! - I'm goin'! - Go! Go! Go! Go! - Oh, shit.
American Pie
29.6s
Now, the sex: It's got to be valid, consensual sex. - No prostitutes. That's what you're thinkin', Finch. Busted. So, basically, prom is our last chance. - Oh, dude. Prom sucks. - I know, but you gotta think about it this way. I mean, all the parties afterwards? The chicks are going to want to do it. - Yeah-yeah, he's right. It's, like tradition or something. - The Rose Bowl. - So, that gives us... - Exactly three weeks to the day.
American Pie
22.3s
You dipshit! You're expecting to score with some... goody-goody choirgirl priss? These chicks don't know me. I can work the sensitive angle here, fellas! You know, it's just like that college chick told me. All that you gotta do is just ask 'em questions... and listen to what they have to say and shit. I don't know, man. That sounds like a lot of work!
American Pie
1m24s
# Don't stray # # Don't ever go away # # I should be much too smart for this # # You know it gets the better of me # # Sometimes when you and I collide # - # I fall into an ocean of you # - Oh. My hair. # Pull me out in time # # Don't let me drown # # Let me down # You okay? Yeah. Go slow. # Say you'll stay # # Don't come and go # # Like you do # # Sway my way # # Yeah, I need to know # # All about you # # Say you'll stay ## So the end of the story is you... had to kiss the guy for 20 seconds. Yes! And he was such a dork. Everyone laughed at me... - but I didn't care because it was so funny. - I get it. And this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy. Excuse me? What? You don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... Sex Ed. So are we gonna screw soon, 'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy.
American Pie