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That's it. Shut up, bitches.

The Hangover

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DOUG: Oh, it's like college. - All right. I wanna talk about something. DOUG: All right. - I want to... ALAN: I'd like to...

The Hangover

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By the way, where you get that cop car from? We, uh, stole it from these dumb-ass cops. Nice. [LAUGHING] High five that one. Yeah, that's nice. PHIL: You know, I just have to say... ...I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature. PHIL: Check it out. Stu. Stu. Fuck this tiger. STU: Oh, my God. That's awful. MIKE: Oh, man. [STU LAUGHING ON VIDEO] PHIL [OVER TV]: Oh, shit. - Who does shit like that, man?

The Hangover

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Honey, it's a long story.

The Hangover

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Fine.

The Hangover

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You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass... ...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart. I think he's mean. All right. I think it's officially time we call Tracy. Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something that makes sense. We don't have much of a choice. And maybe she's heard from Doug. That's what I been saying this whole time.

The Hangover

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- These mugs. This hat. This car. - Hey! It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching all of it. Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay? I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a cop car. - Fine. I'll do it. - Can I help? - Yeah, thanks. - And how exactly are you gonna do that? Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in. They're attracted to the gas lines. - What? A ferret? - Yeah. Yeah. Or a tamed raccoon, but it's a lot of trouble. ALAN: If you wanna... - Does it matter if it's tamed? Yeah, because if it's untamed, it won't take the kerosene as well. [CELL PHONE RINGING] PHIL: Is it Doug? - I don't have it. PHIL: It's Doug, it's Doug. Uh, it's Melissa. - Don't answer. - I have to. She's called twice already! - Can I ride shotgun? PHIL: Don't touch me. Hey, sweetheart, how are you? There you are. This is the third time I'm trying you. I know. The reception up here's crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal. Ugh, I hate that. So how was it last night? Ah, it was really fun, actually. It was quiet, but it was a good time.

The Hangover

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Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu! You got clawed! You're bleeding!

The Hangover

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- Come on, chop-chop. - Okay, spin around.

The Hangover

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You know what? He's not our good fr... We don't know him that well.

The Hangover

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- Pull yourself together, man. - Not at the table, Carlos. [ALAN & PHIL CHUCKLE]

The Hangover

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Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler. Yeah. I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud.

The Hangover

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...that I prepared...

The Hangover

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I'd like to say something...

The Hangover

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He's over here!

The Hangover

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I think the pit boss is watching him.

The Hangover

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[SINGING] What do tigers dream of When they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras Or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head We're gonna get you back to Tyson And your cozy tiger bed And then we're gonna find Our best friend Doug And then we're gonna give him A best-friend hug Doug Doug Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug But if he's been murdered By crystal-meth tweakers [TIGER GROANS AND THUDS] Well, then we're shit out of luck By the way, we're all gonna die.

The Hangover

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Don't touch anything out there, either.

The Hangover