- I had a really good time tonight. - Me too. Yeah.
The Ugly Truth
3.7s
Chemistry. I smell threesome.
The Ugly Truth
50.3s
Length is very important. We need short enough to see some thigh, but not so short to see vag. - Vag says you're trying too hard. - You think? Jeans are all about the curvature of the ass. You've... Well, you've got the raw materials. Now all you need is the proper presentation. - Did you just tell me I have a nice ass? - Do you have to be so crass? Jesus. Rule number four: never talk about your problems... ...because men don't really listen or care. - Some men care. - No, some men pretend to care. When we ask you how you're doing, it's guy code for: "Let me stick my dick in your ass." Oh, I know you think Colin is above it all, but trust me, he's a guy. If he's even remotely into you... ...he's probably thought about your orifices at least 10 times. I love how you assume all men are as perverse as you are. Oh, I don't assume. I know.
The Ugly Truth
16.9s
She thinks I'm a genius on days when she's not sexually frustrated. Yes, thousands of lives have been enriched by your wisdom. Excuse me, lady, but you have a boyfriend right now because of me. It may have started because of you, but it's lasted because of me. You're acting like your normal control-freak psycho self again.
The Ugly Truth
3.3s
Am I really that good? Or are you...?
The Ugly Truth
18.3s
- I know. - No, actually, it's a good thing. I'm used to women I can figure out in five seconds. But I can't do that with you. He's an idiot. I figured you out in two. Now, tell him good night and stick your tits out. - We're gonna give this one last shot. - Well, good night then.
The Ugly Truth
4.1s
Men like watching penis-shaped food go into a girl's mouth.
The Ugly Truth
6.1s
- Well, that went well, I think. - Sure did. - Yeah. - Let's get a drink. Bob and Harold...
The Ugly Truth
2.5s
Sorry. Oh, my God.
The Ugly Truth
4s
All right, deal. Now what? Always make an impression.
The Ugly Truth
8.5s
- Even if it's constructive? - Never. Men are incapable of growth, change or progress. For men, self-improvement ends at toilet training.
The Ugly Truth
7.4s
Okay. Although you won't admit it, you know that I know what I'm talking about. It's your call, dude.
The Ugly Truth
2.2s
No, you hate yourself for being so shallow.
The Ugly Truth
1.3s
He delivers it.
The Ugly Truth
16s
I'm really not that flexible, D'Artagnan. I'm coming. I got you, hold on. Hold on. Come here, baby. No, no. No, no. Come on. Come here, D'Artagnan. Good boy. Oh, good boy. Okay. Okay. You're gonna be okay.
The Ugly Truth
6s
Well, then let's pick him up on the way. - Come on, let's go. Right now. - Come on. Come on, let's go.
The Ugly Truth
23.1s
Craig Ferguson is his audition. - You can't be serious. - Oh, I'm serious. If Bob and Harold find out about this, we're dead. Now, I need you to fly out there and talk him out of it. I'm going to Lake Tahoe this weekend. Don't let him know that you know. Go ahead and let him do the show, get us our publicity... ...and then convince him that he needs to sign on with us... ...for the next three years. That's all we can do.