Newsmen are not defined by the easy times... ...they're defined by the hard times. Can you imagine Ted Koppel or Tom Brokaw... ...working with their wives as co-anchors? No. Because they couldn't handle it.
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Have you seen the ratings from yesterday?
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But that's what worries me. That even you won't be enough.
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Abby, I'll make you a deal.
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- Hi. - We're back.
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Men Who Love Women Who Hate Them.
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- Night. - Night.
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I mean, you're not calling from Europe or something? He loves dogs, but he's more of a cat person. He never gets up before you on a Sunday morning. Wait a second, I get it.
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And Women Hating Men Who Loved Women Who Hate Loving Men.
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What are you doing? God, what is wrong with you?
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He's 5'9". Which I know you're thinking is short... ...but he's read The Great Gatsby... - Well, technically 5'8" and a half... ...but I could read The Great Gatsby again if it makes it any better.
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Oh, so the elevator wasn't a gesture? The elevator was a moment of passion... ...followed by a moment of panic on your part, apparently. - Panic? I came by your room. - Yes, and then you ran away. That wasn't panic, sweetheart. That was an unwillingness to compete... ...with the walking checklist that was in your bed. You should be thanking me. We got 10 seconds. Are we ready to soar up, up and away? Well, there you have it, folks. That's the ugly truth. A girl in heat for two guys... ...will choose the one with the better r�sum�. That is bullsh...
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Welcome back.
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Okay? Now, let's take the first caller. How dare you burn those books. They've helped my personal life more than I can say. What's your boyfriend's name, princess? Well, I'm not seeing anyone right now. My point exactly, Shrek. Next caller. You're on the air. So you're saying that men are incapable of love?
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- Let him be a man, Georgia. - I let him be a man. - You have to let me be a man. - I have tried. - Let him be a man. - You have to let me. Simple as that. Now, you, Frowny McFlaccid, come on.
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But I hear you have some very interesting ideas and theories. What advice would you give to the people out there... ...that are looking for love? - My advice would be: Don't do it. I mean, try to find lust instead. It's a lot easier and a lot less messy. Blue balls, they only last a few hours, but a broken heart, that can last years.