Smooth operator speaking. Fucking Byron, man! He's a piece of shit! He came over. He goes to the bathroom... I obviously immediately look at his phone. It's fucking full of all these pictures... of all these girls who look barely out of fucking high school. It's like vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina. Oh, my God! I broke up with him! Becca, you are a queen. Byron is a full-on piece of shit and he doesn't deserve you. I wanna lock myself in my apartment like Grey Gardens. I want to Grey Gardens myself. That is the most depressing verb I've ever heard. I wanna scream into a cup for six years. I'm gonna start drinking. Then Yogurtland, then vengeance. - Tequila? - Yes. God, yes. Always. Well, I'll bring a bottle and some yogurt. - You decide the order, okay? - Okay. Stu, will you hurry?
Stuber
3.4s
Hey! Hey! Hey, I can see! I can see!
Stuber
3s
Mexican? Libyan? Chilean?
Stuber
19.2s
You need to tell her how you feel. A relationship cannot thrive without honesty. That's why Amber calls me out for being a fat piece of dogshit. That's abuse. That's a different thing. No, it's love. Tough love. Look, we about to get a rush. What's your fat Freddie Mercury-looking-ass got for me? All right. Let's cut the shit.
Stuber
4s
Hey. Great work with the sculptures, honey.
Stuber
3.3s
I don't know where Vic is. How would I know?
Stuber
11.2s
Oh, you're scaring me, Stu. And I love it! I spent my time driving assholes like you around. Got pretty good at it. And I love Styx! You had me pegged from the start, dude. I'm gonna turn it up. Here we go!
Stuber
12s
Take a deep breath, all right? You didn't do anything wrong. I shot a guy. I'm gonna go to jail. I'm the guy who would arrest you for that, and I'm not gonna arrest you. That scumbag over there... sells heroin to kids. Now sit down.
Stuber
9.2s
Does anyone have a phone? Thank you. I'm gonna call 911. No! No cops. Right. - There's no telling who else is on his payroll. - Right.
Stuber
4.2s
Stu, take the shot! Shoot! - Just defeat him! - Come on!
Stuber
18s
Another record-setting day in Los Angeles. Hottest day since 1911. Stay safe, folks. This is Madness! What kind of music do you like? I got a fully-loaded iPod. I got rap, hip-hop, R&B, adult-contempo... world music. Name a thing, I bet I have it. Let's play a game.
Stuber
1.7s
Vic! Vic!
Stuber
10.7s
No regrets. Stu, oh, I'm gonna cry. We're gonna be small-business owners. Actually, I prefer business operator. 'Cause it reminds me of the Sade song and that is empowering to me, so...
Stuber
8.7s
How do you like that, tough guy? How does that taste? Taste good? How do you like that, asshole? Now, I'm gonna ask you one more time! Where's Amo Cortez?
Stuber
8.9s
What do I need to do to make this all end? We gotta get to Venice now. Come on. My daughter could be in trouble. Let's go. Come on, let's go!
