Tim Matheson Comedy Clear all

Found 361 results

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14.8s
God, I've bled... crimson and blue for nearly a decade. This school has given me so much. Let me repay Coolidge... by parting ways as a graduate.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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14.7s
Ladies and gentlemen... as you know... I've been a student here for seven years, and I've-- Let Van stay! Let Van stay!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.3s
Order! Order! Settle down, everyone.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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14.5s
"Oh, I kept the first for another day. Yet knowing how way leads on to way... I doubted if I should ever come back." I want you to tell me what Robert Frost was trying to express here. I'm gonna need at least one more booklet.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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6.7s
My dad just didn't see me as a sound investment anymore. But he gave up on me and my mom long before I ever came here.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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15.7s
Gotta go. Sorry. Bye. Bye-bye. Call me. Gentlemen. Trooper. We got an anonymous tip that there's some underage drinking going on here. Hutch? Hell no, man. I've been at the door all night.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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13.9s
She's smart, she's beautiful... she can skate. She's not for you, dude. She's too high-strung. Besides, babes that fine-- they're way into themselves and shit.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.2s
Too bad she's dating Strapper John, MD.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.7s
Thanks for the good time, fellas.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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20.9s
A dilemma has arose up front. - Don't know if we got our point across. - Crystal clear, guys. - This is incredible. - 100 percent. Don't go anywhere. Seriously. Van is a godsend. I would have paid him way more than a grand for this party. I would have cashed in my Israel bonds. - How do you put a price on dignity? - How do you put a price on poonani? - Yes! - Oh, God!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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34.9s
- He'll call you back. - Unbelievable. Van Wilder's phone. - Terrible. - I think so. Yeah. - Hang on. - Unbelievable. Van's room. Saturday night, yeah. That's-- How did you-- From the paper? Yeah, that's fine! Okay, thanks. - No problem confirming. Bye. - This writing, it's just-- I was just wondering if you could... slam the door in my face. Van, you must listen to me. Because of her article, everybody wants to have a party thrown by Van Wilder... the party liaison. Your cash camel has arrived!

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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12.8s
Whoa. Trick or treat. What's going on? This vaginal discharge won't let us partake in the party. Graphic. I'm sure we can accommodate a few more, yeah? No can do. We're at maximum capacity.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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15.2s
- Let's get you some skates. - I'm not here to skate. For some reason, my editor thinks you're a story. What do you think? As a story, I think... you're a little soft. Wow, all this time I thought I was more to you than just some flaccid story.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.4s
Threatened? Please.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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2.6s
- Why? - I like it here.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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5s
That ointment really worked. Thanks. Lookin' good there, buddy.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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8.7s
Where the hell is everyone? Mad props for this pimpin' good time... go out to those hung and handsome bad boys... of Lambda Omega Omega.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder

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26.8s
- What are you doing here? - You two know each other? That's my girlfriend, gluteous erecti. - You must be premed Dick. - Yeah, that's right. - What's it to you? - Thanks for the story. What story? Brilliant, Pearson. I have been inundated with people telling me... how much they enjoy reading about this guy. They want more, and so do I. I want you to do a follow-up. I did your story, Elliot. I'm not doing another one. Even if I tell you it's gonna be on the front page of the graduation issue... in two months?

National Lampoon's Van Wilder