You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public. I fucked her with a parsnip last week and I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.
Ted
5.4s
Well, as it turned out, John picked the perfect night to make a wish.
Ted
4.8s
What? Excuse me? I want it. I'm not an "it," pal. I'm a "he," all right?
Ted
2.8s
Okay, here's a test to see how much you actually care about me.
Ted
1.9s
Is he all mine, Daddy?
Ted
3.7s
Yeah. No. Yeah. No.
Ted
1.5s
(SINGING)
Ted
1.3s
TED: Whoa!
Ted
1.2s
Yeah.
Ted
9s
I love you girls. You know, somewhere out there are four terrible fathers I wish I could thank for this great night. What is that? What is what?
Ted
5.1s
Oh. Is that a Flash Gordon ray gun, or are you just happy to see me?
