Seth MacFarlane Comedy Clear all

Found 2341 results

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What is your name?

Ted 2

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10.7s
As for complex emotions and the capacity for empathy, we all saw the distressing images of Ted agonizing over his fallen friend, John Bennett.

Ted 2

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So, ladies and gentlemen of the court, I invite you to change the world.

Ted 2

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Oh, my God, Teddy! (STUTTERS) What? What's wrong? Look at this. (SOBBING) "Dear Ted, "the state of Massachusetts regrets to inform you "that due to an oversight regarding your legal status "your marriage to Tami-Lynn McCafferty is unrecognized by the state "and, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled."

Ted 2

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This is a very complicated case you have here. Most civil rights oases are, but this one has some very obvious wrinkles.

Ted 2

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(HEART MONITOR FLAT LINING)

Ted 2

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Maybe we don't want you now. Shut up. No, yeah, we want you. For sure, we want you. What made you change your mind? Well, when I saw what John did for you, that he was willing to give his life for yours, it gave me a kick in the ass. Reminded me of why I chose to do the kind of work I do.

Ted 2

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So you can go fuck yourself.

Ted 2

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The anthropologist and ethioist Dawn Prince-Hughes argues that the standards for personhood include self-awareness, an ability to understand complex emotions and a capacity for empathy.

Ted 2

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I'm sorry I turned you away. I was wrong.

Ted 2

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As far as I'm concerned, anyone who can inspire that kind of love in another person deserves to be called human.

Ted 2

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Sure, yeah.

Ted 2

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Oh, my God! I'm gonna fall off the building.

Ted 2

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Aw, buddy, I love you for that. Thanks, Ted. That means a lot.

Ted 2

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You know, Rocky! I'm not gonna remember a movie I've never seen justbecause you're singing a song I don't know. You don't know Samuel L. Jackson, you don't know Rocky. You are literally pop culture illiterate. I have a college degree. My pop culture references are Hamlet, Achilles and Dorian Gray. Ever heard of any of them? No, but I'm pretty sure Mr. T could kick their ass! Yeah, Sam, you really need to be educated. Oh, really? Um, can either of you tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby?

Ted 2

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You know, Ted, if you legally become a person, you're gonna need a last name.

Ted 2

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His name's "Fuck Scott Fitzgerald"? What? No. Well, then, what's the "F" stand for? Francis. No. It's got to be "Fuck." It must be "Fuck." It's got to be "Fuck." It has to be "Fuck." Why the hell would it be "Fuck"? Well, because otherwise, why wouldn't he just say it? Yeah, he's hiding something. It's "Fuck." Come on, read between the “nee, Sam. We “F uck.“ (LAUGHS) That's completely insane. You guys are idiots. Yeah, well, whatever. Ted Clubber Lang. Get used to it.

Ted 2

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(BREATHING SHAKILY) Kunta. Kunta Kinte.

Ted 2