Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help! There are no chicks with dicks, Johnny! Only guys with tits! Oh, this is such a relief! I'm so glad I'm finally caught. I wanted to be caught! Johnny, now you listen to me. This is a wake-up call, all right? You got to get back out there and meet somebody because you are spiraling out of control here. All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please! Johnny, I mean it. All right? The next chick you meet, you are getting back in the game. Fine, I got it. Done. All right. Now, let's get rid of this. What do you mean? We'll just delete the files! No,no,no. That shit can always be recovered. We got to smash your laptop with a hammer.
Ted 2
2.8s
You do understand that I myself am not a child?
Ted 2
5.8s
Oh, look, I did a lot of blow in the '80s and my sperm count's a little low.
Ted 2
5.4s
Besides, we just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off... You're ready to be a parent.
Ted 2
2.2s
You know what, Teddy? Let's get out of here.
Ted 2
2.4s
Come on. (SIGHS)
Ted 2
4s
What does that even mean? Like, you're a thing? What, like garbage or a piece of shit?
Ted 2
5.4s
Hello. I'd, uh, like to ask a few questions about this breakfast cereal.
Ted 2
2s
(PRICING GUN CLICKING)
Ted 2
4s
Hey, so, uh, listen, lgot, uh... I got some big news to tell ya.
Ted 2
7.6s
It's the intermediary station before insemination. Are you submitting? No. My friend is, uh, yanking out a sample in one of the rooms.
Ted 2
10s
Forgive me, that's a normal ovary. This is Tami-Lynn's. TED: Jesus! Yeah, but I bet this stuff happens a lot. You probably see this kind of stuff all the time, right?
Ted 2
1.8s
I replace the cakes.
Ted 2
1.7s
I'm afraid I have bad news.
Ted 2
12.7s
(SOBS) I don't understand, okay? None of this makes any sense. It's okay. It's okay, honey. Come on, let's just go. No, what does this mean, Teddy? Does it mean we can't have a baby? I don't know. But it's gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay. It really isn't.
