And I want you to know that, after last night I don't ever want to lose anyone who matters to me ever again. I'm not going to wait any longer for my life to start.
Ted
4.4s
I made you out to be a hero. You know what, John, we asked Ted to move out so we can give ourselves a chance without him.
Ted
4.9s
You know, this place looks great. Thanks, man, it's all IKEA. Did the whole place for $47.
Ted
6s
What? Do you know what just happened? Do you have any clue? My fucking life just ended!
Ted
4.9s
Trust me, I can do this. Shut up. Let him try it, man. All right, fuck it.
Ted
3.4s
No. That's a weird fucking question. No, just start counting.
Ted
3.2s
I just farted. That was a man fart. (GIGGLES)
Ted
2.7s
Thunder buddies for life.
Ted
1.2s
(SIGHS)
Ted
13.9s
You know something? I didn't tie you up and drag you to that party. I wanted you to come because you're supposedly my best friend. You can't stand there and tell me that you haven't always seen Lori as a threat to our friendship. It works out so much better for you when you and I are getting fucked up on the couch at 9:00 a.m., doesn't it?
Ted
9.5s
You would? I sure would. Is that cannibalism? No, I think it's only cannibalism if you swallow. Oh, yeah, no! Don't worry about that, because I don't swallow.
Ted
5.4s
These were John Lennon's glasses. They're worth, like, a million dollars. That's me and Tom Skerritt.
Ted
6.4s
Did you... Did you just talk? Don't look so surprised. You're the one who wished for it, aren't you?
Ted
5.1s
So you think you got what it takes? I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.
Ted
2.1s
Go. Take Columbus to Herald and get on the expressway.
Ted
2.4s
Jesus, Guy, you look like shit, man. What happened?
