(SCOFFS) Listen to yourself. What am I? Emperor Ming, here, controlling your mind? That's your choice, John. And by blaming me, you, you're just making yourself look like a pussy.
Ted
2.2s
Greatest night ever!
Ted
10.1s
Come on. She'll go home, she'll watch Bridget Jones- something-asshole. She'll have a good cry, she'll be fine. You'll talk to her tomorrow. Come on upstairs. Are you even listening to me? Do you give any shred of a shit?
Ted
2.9s
Those are the ones you like, right? From that kiosk at the mall.
Ted
3.3s
I love you. I love you, too.
Ted
6.9s
I hear the fat kid running. I hear the fat kid running. I bet it's hilarious. Let me out of here! I am a citizen of the United States of America and I have rights! (GRUNTS)
Ted
17.9s
Ted, that's a really nice offer, but I don't want you to do that. This is between John and me and I don't think it can be fixed. Yeah, because of me! Look, Lori, you want him to be a man. But as long as he's got his teddy bear, he's always going to be a boy.
Ted
6s
What? Do you know what just happened? Do you have any clue? My fucking life just ended!
Ted
4.3s
Hey there. Hey. Hi. Hi.
Ted
2.2s
Yeah, if you want.
Ted
7s
So, word through the grapevine is that you're newly solo. Rex, I have a lot of work I need to get to.
Ted
2.4s
Lori, wait, please.
Ted
34.2s
Hey, Johnny, how about a beer? A couple of Charles Brew-kowskis? Couple of Brew-stoyevskis? Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski? Perhaps a Tedy Brew-ski? That's a good one. You know what, I think I, too, want a Martina Navrati-brewski. No, that doesn't work. Don't ruin it. No. Bullshit! That totally works. TED: No, no. Yeah, it does. It doesn't work. The name has to have a "ski" at the end of it and you just put "brewski" at the end of "Martina Navratilova," so... I just thought we were saying funny names. No, it has to have a "ski" at the end of it. Otherwise, where's the challenge? If there's no "ski" at the end of the root word then we would just be idiots saying nonsense.
Ted
7.8s
You know, you're never alone when you're with Christ. So, no, I'm not alone. Yeah. Me, too.
Ted
4.9s
Well, that's perfect. Because I'm only going to need one. (LAUGHS)
Ted
4.7s
I actually went through something like this with my last boyfriend. Really? Yeah.
Ted
7.5s
All I want is... I just want to end on good terms. I owe that to you. I want you to be happy. You deserve that.
