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1.5s

Welcome back, Ted.

Ted

1.8s

Come on, buddy.

Ted

1.2s

Teddy?

Ted

1.2s

(SIGHS)

Ted

13.6s

Glad to hear it. Because in a month, my life could be your life. A cushy, $38,000-a-year branch manager who's personal friends with Tom Skerritt. Not a bad life, is it?

Ted

2.5s

Thunder buddies for life.

Ted

1.4s

(WATER BUBBLING)

Ted

6.2s

For some reason I thought you were going to be taller. I thought you were going to be funnier. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Ted

3s

You did everything you could.

Ted

1.3s

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Ted

10.7s

John, all you got to do is not fuck up and you get my job when I go to corporate next month. You're the new branch manager. All you've got to do is not fuck up. I realize that. Good.

Ted

3.4s

Is it 9:30? Yeah. Shit, I got to get to work!

Ted

2.5s

...the most important part of your life.

Ted

1.3s

What is it?

Ted

10.7s

Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.

Ted

18.8s

Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny? Fucking right. Let's sing the thundersong. All right. BOTH: (SINGING) When you hear the sound of thunder Don't you get too scared Just grab your thunder buddy And say these magic words Fuck you, thunder You can suck my dick You can't get me, thunder 'Cause you're just God's farts (BOTH IMITATE FARTING)

Ted

20.8s

Sam Jones moved back to Hollywood with the goal of restarting his film career. He currently resides in Burbank where he shares a studio apartment with his roommate, Brandon Routh. Remember Brandon Routh from that God-awful Superman movie? Jesus Christ! Thanks for getting our hopes up and taking a giant shit on us.

Ted

10.4s

I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, I didn't mean to scare anybody. I just wanted John and I to be friends. Yeah, Dad, I made a wish last night that Teddy was alive and my wish came true.

Ted

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Welcome back, Ted.

Come on, buddy.

Teddy?

(SIGHS)

Glad to hear it. Because in a month, my life could be your life. A cushy, $38,000-a-year branch manager who's personal friends with Tom Skerritt. Not a bad life, is it?

Thunder buddies for life.

(WATER BUBBLING)

For some reason I thought you were going to be taller. I thought you were going to be funnier. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

You did everything you could.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

John, all you got to do is not fuck up and you get my job when I go to corporate next month. You're the new branch manager. All you've got to do is not fuck up. I realize that. Good.

Is it 9:30? Yeah. Shit, I got to get to work!

...the most important part of your life.

What is it?

Donny was arrested by Boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy. The charges were dropped when everyone realized how completely stupid that sounded.

I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, I didn't mean to scare anybody. I just wanted John and I to be friends. Yeah, Dad, I made a wish last night that Teddy was alive and my wish came true.