Found 703 results
1m14s
What was that all about? - He's still embarrassed because Finch kicked his ass. - Who told you that? What do you mean, "no comment"? - Did you two hook up or something? - What, are you kidding? No. Then how did all this get started? Well, I guess it's all right for me to tell you now. That reputation of his isn't going anywhere. Cheese, please. Finch comes up to me and says, "Jessica, I need your help with this, blah, blah, etcetera." So I said, "All right. Pay me 200 bucks, and I'll tell a couple of girls that you're dynamite in bed." So he did, and I did. - That actually works? - Well, duh! Of course. Naturally, I embellished a little bit. Did you hear that Finch had an affair with an older woman? No, I didn't hear that one. That one was my favorite. Do that cheerleader. - # Thank you, baby # - She wants me. She calls me up... # How sweet it is to be loved by you ## Oh, my God, you're gay! Sing it with me. You know the words. No, thanks, man. You've been singin' that shit all week. If you try that at M.S.U. This Saturday, I'll kick your ass. Our last game is this Saturday. Yeah, well, shit.
American Pie
39.1s
This isn't the best way to proposition me. No, that's... That's not what I mean. W- What I mean is, uh... Look, do you know what made me leave that game? See, Coach, he was givin' us this speech about... not slacking off when you see the opportunity to score... This isn't any better, Chris. No, you see... You see, Heather, what I realized is that... with you, it's... not like I'm running towards a goal... looking for the best way to score. This may sound a little corny, but... I feel like I've already won.
American Pie
1m26s
Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? It's like... It's like... banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. - Right. No. - It's not a game. What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner. - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course. Good. So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on... the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back... on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff. You see, Hal is going through a... rite of passage, much like you all are. So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later. So, does your tongue cramp up? Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though. That's amazing. She's probably gonna want to do it soon.
American Pie
1m19s
Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know? Even if he can't say it, he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's okay, 'cause he's a guy, right? - He's got a dick. He's a guy. - Right. Wait. Is this translation right? "Go home, bird teacher. I've had enough." I don't know. I got it from Kevin. - So, does it hurt? - What? You know... sex. Does it hurt? Yeah. I mean, the first time you do it, you know, it hurts. But then you, you do it again and again and again... It just starts to feel good. Really good. Okay, so say I don't do it. And then I go off to college. I might end up doing it with some random guy... - who totally turns out to be a jerk. - This is true. And I'll wish I would've done it with Kevin. So go do it with Kevin. - You think? - Yeah. You're... You're ready. - You're woman. Look at you. You're ready for sex. - You're right. - I know. - I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex. - Now. - And it's gonna be right, and it's gonna be just perfect. - Perfect sex. - Thanks, Jessica. Please. Kevin. Kevin.
American Pie
54.6s
# Midnight at the oasis # # Send your camel to bed # # Shadows painting our faces # # Traces # # Of romance in our heads # # Heaven's holding a half-moon # # Shining just for us # # Let's slip off to a sand dune # # Real soon # # And kick up a little dust # # Come on Cactus is our friend # # He'll point out the way # You know, at band camp we have dances like this, only they're way funner.
American Pie
33.2s
You mean East Lansing and Ann Arbor? Yeah. What are you talkin' about? I can't go to the prom with you. I'm holding out for someone else. You gotta be fuckin' kidding me. I know it's a long shot, but I figure Paul Finch might ask me. Finch. Shit-brick. Oh, gosh. I-I forgot. You look okay. I-I mean, the scars healed really well. - Hey, Stifler. - Eat shit.
American Pie
53.3s
Oh, man! So I was thinking maybe you could give me some advice, brother to brother. I thought you might know a trick or somethin' to make her... - Orgasm? - Yeah. - What's good here? - Try the spicy tuna hand roll. - What? - How do you do that? - Hey, never mind that. Listen, pay attention. Is that all that you're interested in, tryin' to get your girl into bed? No, it'd be good to be able to, you know, return the favor. Be nice to know she enjoys things as much as I do. See that? That's good. That's what I wanted to hear. Now, you qualify. - Qualify for what? - My man, you've just inherited the Bible. It originally started as a sex manual, this book that some guys brought back from Amsterdam. And each year it got passed on to one East student who was worthy. Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff that guys have added over the years.
American Pie