Found 337 results
38.5s
You know, this reminds me of when Pete and his degenerate friends stole a pizza truck. - She's good. She's good. - Oh, God. Are you two gonna stand there all night, or are we gonna try to get these kids to bed at a decent hour? You remember I told you we weren't special enough for this? - We were doing fine. - You said that we were in a rut. Maybe we were spoiled and didn't appreciate the rut. The rut was easy and quiet. You know, I miss the rut. But you had to be a mommy. Whose idea was it to go and talk to the teenagers? We could've had a toddler who doesn't have opinions and thong underwear. - What? - You pushed us into some next-level shit! Look, we can't start turning on each other here. If we just stay calm and we work together, we can find a way to get these little assholes out of our house!
Instant Family
1m9s
Yes! I'm a little afraid to say anything, but yes, that's basically how we feel. That's how your children feel every day of their lives. When you took this on, you felt good about yourself because you knew that it mattered, right? Well, guess what. Things that matter are hard. Now I know where Brenda gets her inspiring speech thing. Listen, guys, right now, you're all they've got. So your job is to keep them safe, whether they want you to or not. Wow. He's got it too. ...much. That was incredible. Thank you. - I'm so sorry that I blew up at you. - I'm sorry I slapped you! - I know! That was crazy! - I know. I apologize. It was good. I needed it. I haven't been slapped for a long time. It was a bit aggressive. It was a little bit out of line. Well, you were, honey. You were. All right, honey, we gotta go. - We gotta get going. - Take care. Thank you. You're on Facebook, right? I'll find you. Okay! Bye! Bye! Thank you! Bye. Let's get in the house right away, really quick.
Instant Family
18.9s
Keep your end straight, will you? Look, you're overthinking it, bro. None of my kids were planned. Kid shows up, you figure it out. Easy-peasy. - How many kids you got now, Stu? - Number four's in the oven right now. - Wow. - Nothing hard about kids. As long as you spend some time with them, they're cool. Most important thing, make sure the moms all get along.
Instant Family
1m56s
- I love it. - Right? What'd I tell you? The fireplace, the built-ins here. Are you sure you want to give this to your sister? Babe, we'd make 100K off this flip all day long. - Trying to make up... - This is it? - Hey, yeah. Come in. - You guys made me ask off an hour early to see this dump? - We're all smelling this, right? - Yeah, it smells like I'm breathing piss. Okay. Not a good fit. So we'll just go. - Come on. - Come on. Have a little vision. French doors to the garden. We move the stairs, take these walls down, create an open concept through the kitchen. There's a gorgeous stained glass here in the corner. The bones are really good. When's the part we cough up 12 grand to fix the rotted-out foundation? Clearly, it's not for them. Let's just flip this one, El. There's a park across the street. And the schools here are fantastic if you have a baby. When. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kimmy. When. When you have a baby. We're having a baby. We are having a baby. You see that? That's called manifesting to the universe. Sometimes the universe thinks it's funny if I drop $26,000 on in vitro first. - Oh! You're a dick. - I'm kidding. If this place is so great, why don't you guys move in here? What are they gonna do with five bedrooms and a park? They're obviously never having kids. Look at 'em. They don't have any emotional holes to fill. Not that we are doing it to fill... - Shut up, Russ. - All right. - What was that look? - What look? He just said you guys were never gonna have kids. Then you did a definite look. Yeah, what was the look for? You looked back at me to include me in your look. - I didn't do a look. - Totally did a look. - It wasn't a look. - I think we just started some trouble. - There's no trouble. - Maybe even a fight. - There's no fight. There's no trouble. - Let's get out of here. Oh, my God. You guys are gonna have kids now, aren't you? No. What? Kimmy. I don't know. What? Of course you are, because you have to win at everything. Then you're gonna throw your perfect uterus in my face too. How do you know my uterus is perfect? We've never even tried to have kids. I don't know if I can get pregnant. Of course it is perfect. It is yours. - Kimmy. - It probably has a leather interior. Please, Kimmy. You just got here. Sorry, Petey. Have a good fight. See you later, Russ.
Instant Family
36.5s
Holy... And just when things finally start to feel normal again, they have another visit. Yeah, we just feel so rejected. And I know this probably makes me a really bad person, but I just keep wishing that their mom would go back to prison. You're not a bad person. When someone does terrible things to the children we love, it's not easy to find empathy for them. But we have to try, people. Whatever happens, the time that your kids spent with you - made a big difference in their lives. - Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know, but then we're just supposed to...
Instant Family