Found 785 results

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Oh. How low?

Ted 2

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13.8s
One. Qne? Yeah, little fella's having his own I Am Legend in my nut sack. Oh. Can we have that one? No! Gonna need it for protein if I ever get lost at sea. Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.

Ted 2

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So what do ya say? You'd really be helping me and Tami out.

Ted 2

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I'm sorry. I, uh... You better be planning on buying that!

Ted 2

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All right, I'll help you. But we got to have a game plan.

Ted 2

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Shit. I oan never get a signal in your apartment. Hey, oan I use your laptop? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, thanks.

Ted 2

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God damn it! (ALARM BLARING) Ah! Oh, shit!

Ted 2

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Wake up, Johnny.

Ted 2

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Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help! There are no chicks with dicks, Johnny! Only guys with tits! Oh, this is such a relief! I'm so glad I'm finally caught. I wanted to be caught! Johnny, now you listen to me. This is a wake-up call, all right? You got to get back out there and meet somebody because you are spiraling out of control here. All right, fine, I will. Just stop looking at that shit, please! Johnny, I mean it. All right? The next chick you meet, you are getting back in the game. Fine, I got it. Done. All right. Now, let's get rid of this. What do you mean? We'll just delete the files! No,no,no. That shit can always be recovered. We got to smash your laptop with a hammer.

Ted 2

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Would be a sweet-ass fucking baby.

Ted 2

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Johnny, please, just help me do this. Okay? He's the only guy in the world whose sperm is even close to Flash Gordon's. Ted, it's insane. We could get in a lot of trouble. But not if nobody finds out. Look, look, John, John. We sneak into his house, jerk him off in his sleep and sneak out with the sperm. It'll be easy!

Ted 2

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And think how awesome the baby will be.

Ted 2

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You want Flash Gordon to father your child? Yeah, I mean, do you think... Would that be weird? Would he be freaked out if I... No, I think he'd be flattered! And plus, your baby will be a fucking superhero! Well, that was the logic I arrived at as well. Yeah, I say do it! All right. I'll shoot him an e-mail right now, and see if I can stop by tonight. You come with me? Sure. All right, great.

Ted 2

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You just can't help but sing along.

Ted 2

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Johnny. Johnny, wake up!

Ted 2

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Get off me!

Ted 2

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Johnny, wake up!

Ted 2

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The state official I spoke to said that technically, you are classified as property.

Ted 2