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1.5s

(GLASS BREAKS)

Ted 2

28.2s

MALE NARRATOR: We are often told that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales and in the naive minds of sheltered innocents. And yet, on this bright, sunny, Boston afternoon, a talking teddy bear is about to marry his girlfriend, proving two things. Happy endings can come true for anyone. And America doesn't give a shit about anything.

Ted 2

16.8s

I do. SAM: And do you, Ted, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Fuckin' A right, I do! (GIGGLES) Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bear.

Ted 2

6.9s

Oh, Johnny, come on, man. It's been six months since you guys got divorced. I know, I know. It's just that...

Ted 2

1.2s

Thank you.

Ted 2

2.7s

Teddy, this is the best day of my life!

Ted 2

8.2s

I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect. Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy to marry the wrong girl. Hey, hey! Big day, huh, bud?

Ted 2

6.4s

Do you, Tami-Lynn McCafferty, take this teddy bear to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Ted 2

25.6s

Yeah, I'm gonna pass. (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) (SINGING) I'm steppin' out with my honey Can't be bad to feel so good Never felt quite so sunny So I keep on knockin' wood Yeah, steppin' out with my baby Can't go wrong 'cause I'm in right Ask me when will the day be The big day may be tonight TED: This is the best day of my life!

Ted 2

4.1s

WEDDING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, your newlyweds! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

Ted 2

3.2s

I'm fine. I was thinking aboutLofi.

Ted 2

2.4s

Let's go get shit-faced! Okay!

Ted 2

14.7s

You guys wanna celebrate with a little something else, hmm? Oh. Uh, no, thanks, Sam. Tami-Lynn would kill me if I did drugs on our wedding day. Ah, she won't notice. I just did a line with a dude in the men's room and I bet you can't even spot him.

Ted 2

6.2s

I just love you so much. I love you, too, baby. I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight.

Ted 2

2s

I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

Ted 2

22s

Hey, you shut the fuck up! Why don't you come down and make me, tough guy? Yeah, why don't you come up here and make me come down there, tough guy? I am gonna come up there and I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! Yeah, why don't you try it, asshole? Get your ass up here and kick my ass! (SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch! Hey, shut up, lady! Run the fuck back to Russia, you whore! Get the fuck out of here! People are trying to sleep! God damn it! Shut the fuck up!

Ted 2

7s

In those images, Ted exhibits all of the remaining qualities of personhood.

Ted 2

1.6s

Yes, there is.

Ted 2

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(GLASS BREAKS)

I do. SAM: And do you, Ted, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Fuckin' A right, I do! (GIGGLES) Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bear.

Oh, Johnny, come on, man. It's been six months since you guys got divorced. I know, I know. It's just that...

Thank you.

Teddy, this is the best day of my life!

I mean, everything seemed like it was gonna be so perfect. Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy to marry the wrong girl. Hey, hey! Big day, huh, bud?

Do you, Tami-Lynn McCafferty, take this teddy bear to be your lawfully wedded husband?

WEDDING ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, your newlyweds! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I'm fine. I was thinking aboutLofi.

Let's go get shit-faced! Okay!

You guys wanna celebrate with a little something else, hmm? Oh. Uh, no, thanks, Sam. Tami-Lynn would kill me if I did drugs on our wedding day. Ah, she won't notice. I just did a line with a dude in the men's room and I bet you can't even spot him.

I just love you so much. I love you, too, baby. I'm gonna go fifty shades of bear on you tonight.

I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

In those images, Ted exhibits all of the remaining qualities of personhood.

Yes, there is.