(SOBBING) I'm having a really hard time here, guys. TED: Johnny, it's okay, buddy. It's okay. You're doing fine. You're doing great. No, I'm scared. All right. I know. Come on, it's okay, though. You just have to hang onto the wall.
Ted 2
4.2s
Ted, in the eyes of the state, you are not a person.
Ted 2
14s
"Dear Ted, your Chase bank account "has been terminated due to a lack of citizenship." "Dear Ted, your Discover card has been revoked." "Dear Ted, you are no longer a Papa Gino's rewards member." Fuck, that's a big one. This poor baby bootie.
Ted 2
6.6s
No, she wasn't. She was giving you the fuck-me eyes. What are the fuck-me eyes? Some women just have fuck-me eyes.
Ted 2
2.5s
Hey, Johnny. Guy?
Ted 2
5.6s
The state official I spoke to said that technically, you are classified as property.
Ted 2
4.1s
You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna oall Patrick Meighan. Who's that?
Ted 2
1.7s
I work for Mattel.
Ted 2
23.1s
Oh. Oh, that... That's great! That's fucking great! I'm glad you guys are so happy! What? What do you mean, "What?" I'm totally screwed here. And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer, and she's probably still fucking billing us! Well, don't yell at us, dude! We didn't do anything! Yeah, exactly! Exactly! Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other, Sam coulcfve won this thing and I wouldn't be a fucking thing! Like garbage or a piece of shit!
Ted 2
7.9s
Hashtag "Grr, Mondays." (GASPS) 0h, my God! Look, I'm so sorry! We swear to God, it was an accident. We're so sorry.
Ted 2
4.7s
Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably. There's lube right there. All right, yeah, thanks.
Ted 2
4.9s
You know, I really love that Neil Diamond.
Ted 2
1.4s
Oh, shit!
Ted 2
4.6s
Oh, so what are we gonna do now? I mean, we can't take this lying down, right? We got to do something.
