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3.7s

What if I gave you a hand job outside your pants while you ate an ice cream?

Ted 2

8.6s

Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack. Wait, let me try. I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State. Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?

Ted 2

5.5s

And when the next conflict comes along, we're once again blind to it as it's happening.

Ted 2

1.3s

Ted!

Ted 2

1.5s

I'm so sorry, baby.

Ted 2

5.8s

He just reminds me of when I was a kid. Yeah, that's great. $40. Okay.

Ted 2

10.2s

So what? Well, Ted is suing for his civil rights. If he loses, the state will officially declare him a non-entity with no rights under the law.

Ted 2

2.2s

So you don't see him as your property.

Ted 2

6.9s

Look, Donny, I can never love you. God, that sounds fucked up. Listen, I don't wanna die. Okay? So, uh...

Ted 2

2s

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Ted 2

1.4s

Hi.

Ted 2

5.4s

But if we suddenly decide to share that gift, where does that lead us?

Ted 2

1.2s

Please be seated.

Ted 2

5.6s

If they choose to investigate the issue, it may leave you quite vulnerable.

Ted 2

23.1s

Oh. Oh, that... That's great! That's fucking great! I'm glad you guys are so happy! What? What do you mean, "What?" I'm totally screwed here. And you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer, and she's probably still fucking billing us! Well, don't yell at us, dude! We didn't do anything! Yeah, exactly! Exactly! Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other, Sam coulcfve won this thing and I wouldn't be a fucking thing! Like garbage or a piece of shit!

Ted 2

4.1s

You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna oall Patrick Meighan. Who's that?

Ted 2

25.1s

I won't be able to perform the implantation procedure. Wait, what? Why not? Tami-Lynn, according to your test results, you're no longer fertile. What? Wait, Doc, are you sure about that? I mean, maybe you should check again or something, you know? I'm quite sure. Tami-Lynn, because of your history of excessive drug use your ovarian canal has been somewhat compromised. What are you talking about? It looks fine. Yeah.

Ted 2

2s

Uh, those aren't supposed to be out.

Ted 2

Found 785 results

What if I gave you a hand job outside your pants while you ate an ice cream?

Hey, 2O bucks I can toss a Cookie Crisp into his ass crack. Wait, let me try. I used to pitch for the softball team at Arizona State. Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?

And when the next conflict comes along, we're once again blind to it as it's happening.

Ted!

I'm so sorry, baby.

He just reminds me of when I was a kid. Yeah, that's great. $40. Okay.

So what? Well, Ted is suing for his civil rights. If he loses, the state will officially declare him a non-entity with no rights under the law.

So you don't see him as your property.

Look, Donny, I can never love you. God, that sounds fucked up. Listen, I don't wanna die. Okay? So, uh...

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi.

But if we suddenly decide to share that gift, where does that lead us?

Please be seated.

If they choose to investigate the issue, it may leave you quite vulnerable.

You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna oall Patrick Meighan. Who's that?

Uh, those aren't supposed to be out.