Found 1403 results

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- You are not requesting sole custody? - No, Your Honor.

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Hey, not to be a buzzkill... ...but you're due in court...

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No. Good night.

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Bye-bye, thanks. See you at practice. Mmm.

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Bye.

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- I don't look like a douche. What a douche.

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Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay? So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager... ...and me to be your fake dad... ...the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look...

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- I'm done talking to you. - Yeah, yeah.

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Okay. Next up: As most of you know, today I am proud to be naming our new regional sales manager. - Here we go. - You know...

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The janitor.

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Hey, it's me! It's Mike O'Donnell, your best friend! You have an undescended testicle.

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- Which is what? - Do I look like your spirit guide?

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- No. - Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind? - No, Ned. - No? You wouldn't see it. Okay.

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Sorry. I think our hands just made a baby. Excuse my dad. He's not used to talking to attractive women. Oh, thank you...

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Are you sure these look legit? - Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to. I'm the guy who invented the software that prevents people from stealing music.

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Yeah? What are you gonna do?

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What am I gonna do?

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But look at him. You gotta let that guy go, just out of your brain and move on. I know you need to grieve a relationship. It's only natural. Okay. You wait here. I'm going to go smell him. No, no, no. Sweetie. You're not allowed to smell teenagers. Sweetie, you need to hear me on this. Here's the thing. The other thing, you need to acknowledge... ...that he looks exactly like Mike used to look in high school. We discussed that. I have looked at him. But, honey, this is the thing: You need to hook up with someone new. Yeah, I deserve to have somebody smile at me and tell me I'm pretty. - You do. - Even if it is... ...to just get me to go home with him. Or lunch. But, yes, we're gonna find you a new playmate. Ow! You little turd. You little snot. My bad. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted, as I imagine Alex was... ...at hearing about how his mother, who is still married, by the way... ...is planning to run around with every guy she can get. In Afghanistan, she'd be dragged through the streets by goats with her hands cut off. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, Naomi. - Naomi. - I don't care.

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