- You ready to hit the road? - I'm really sorry, Grandpa. I didn't think you'd be doing that. Ah, so you caught me taking a number three. - Big deal, right? - Number three? Have a drink. Uh... No. I'm driving, so... I just got to finish up my exercises, and then we'll hop on 16 to 95.
Dirty Grandpa
27.5s
Okay, Daytona Beach, are you ready to Flex Off? Three! Two! One! Flex! Having trouble getting that coat off, Fat Goose? Uh... Look at this guy! He's like Mother Teresa's vagina! Old and tight! Hey, look, it's Cirque du So Gay! What now?
Dirty Grandpa
22.3s
Give me that! What is this? Hey! Hey, hey, hey... Leave my illegitimate black son alone. We were just asking him to dance. - Well, he don't wanna dance. - Well, maybe you wanna dance instead. - I don't wanna dance... - Colonel Sanders! It's all right. It's all right. Let's not dirty this place up. It's a shrine. Sinatra sang here. Parking lot?
Dirty Grandpa
37.9s
♪ And everything is all right ♪ I got a beep from Kim And she can fuck all night ♪ Called up the homies and I'm asking y'all ♪ Which park are y'all playing basketball? ♪ Get me on the court and I'm trouble ♪ Last week fucked around And got a triple double Can I say it? Can I say it? No! No, no. - Say it! - Say that shit! ♪ Freaking niggas every way like MJ ♪ I can't believe today was a good day? I'm totally gonna fuck him tonight. Can I watch? 'Cause I kind of want to fuck him too now.
Dirty Grandpa
1.6s
But that he's sorry that he can't.
Dirty Grandpa
14.3s
By a man has come also life." Richard Kelly II. Congratulations on the baby's new godparents, - Jason and Shadia. - Aww! Congratulations!
Dirty Grandpa
2.9s
"...for as by a man came death.
Dirty Grandpa
6.4s
- I was a shitty father and I'm sorry. - Well, we'll work on it.
Dirty Grandpa
2.7s
You're a hard man to track down, professor.
Dirty Grandpa
22.9s
She's so super cool about it. She's like, "Go! Do your thing. Do you." - She said that? - That's what she said, verbatim. Wait. Should I come down and say bye? - No. God! Fuck no! - No? Yeah. No need to even... Let's not even... You just... I've done it... We're great! Wait, where the fuck is he going? Jason! Jason!
Dirty Grandpa
16.6s
I want you to know how much I appreciate you doing this for me, Jason. The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies. Yeah, well, most grandpas just want toffee.
Dirty Grandpa
14.7s
Got it. Got it. You know, today's celebration is much more than just about the union of two people, it's also about the union of two families. - Meredith... - The Kellys and the Goldsteins.
Dirty Grandpa
2s
It means "to liberate the oppressed."
Dirty Grandpa
2.8s
- Hey. You ready? - Yep.
Dirty Grandpa
48.3s
It's actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. NSA stopped using utility vans years ago. I figured once you sent the camera back, it was time to take drastic measures. What'd he say? Are we doing this? Plan B, have Pam kidnap you. - I've got to get her back. - You want me to kidnap her? I'll bring her back to you in a box, bro. She's on a bus headed west on I-85 across Florida. Her boat leaves in four hours. It was easy to track her down because of the whole Middle Eastern thing. Bet you never thought you'd 69 a girl because of the Patriot Act. You 69 her, man! And then she's dead. Are you kidding me, Pam? This is what you drive? Oh, yeah, it is so easy selling kids drugs from an ice cream truck. It's crazy! - Jason! Jason! - Go, go, go, go! Jason, stop! Stop right now. Stop! Stop!