Found 285 results
2m36s
Hey, hey, wait. Hey, hey, guys. Look, look. You can't be here, man. - Y-You got to go. - Why? It's private property, that's why. It's an abandoned orphanage. Why can't we be here? Who gives a shit, man? What are you doing here? You fucking protecting the ghosts of dead orphans? Look, fat Kanye, shut your damn mouth. I'll be back in five minutes for you assholes. If you're still here, I'm calling the cops, period. You better get the cops, man, 'cause you're a fake cop. - You need the real ones. - Motherfuckers. - Fuck all of y'all. - I feel bad. We-we were a little too mean. - Yeah. - He's nice. Yeah, he's a really good guy. See, that guy... that is what is wrong with Staten Island. We don't get any cool people from any of the other boroughs. No one comes here. We're stuck with the fucking pricks that live here. You're talking about us. Right in front of us. Yeah, kinda. I mean, no one comes here. There's no flow of people. That guy's, like, 200. We've known him since we were six. Why can't we be cool like Brooklyn? There's no reason we shouldn't be cool like Brooklyn. We got amazing views. It's close to the city. It's cheap. Nice people. It makes no sense. We're, like, the only place that New Jersey looks down on. You could see the garbage dump from space. This place is never gonna change. No, it happened to the Meatpacking District, the Village. Brooklyn used to be a fucking shithole. We are next. I'm gonna take my civil service test. I'm gonna work in the city, in city planning. You watch, this place is gonna be like fucking Williamsburg - in ten years. - No, all right? No. Nobody wants that. Why do you want to work in the city and do city planning? That sounds so boring. I feel like Brooklyn is better. I dated a guy that lived in Brooklyn. He was a mixologist. He made ice cubes out of milk. - He was so classy. - Shut up! I love Staten Island. It's amazing. And people are gonna see it soon, trust me. Well, if you love it so much, why don't you let me tattoo it on you? No, I'm not gonna let you tattoo me again. Fine. Well, I need somebody to tattoo. I'm, I-I'm running out of... Come on, Rich. What about you, man? - Don't even look at me, dude. - Why? Your work is mad inconsistent. Obama ain't right. I got the eyes wrong, okay? He's not right. All right, man, this has hurt me, all right? I don't have any black friends anymore. I can't go to a barber shop no more. You got Obama wrong. Ain't nothing worse than that. What about you, Igor? You want a dragon or something? Oh, I love your tattoos. My brother? It's a spitting image. - Yeah. It's one of the best. - It's my favorite. No, no, no, no. This is my favorite. Oh, you killed that. - Yeah, I really worked hard on the eyes. - Just... He's so cute. I love his butthole. It reminds me that I have a belly button. - So, I'm good. - Yeah, I got to go. Watching you beg to give tattoos is too sad. And that's freaking me out. We're almost done. Almost.
The King of Staten Island
49.7s
They went to high school together. They went to fucking high school together. I'm like, "Only Stan could get away with that." I swear to God. Well, you know, the rumor is that he got the coke from the cops. Not that cop. There was another cop he knew in Manhattan. What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No. - Coke? What? No. - Guys, guys, guys. - Guys, it's his dad. - So? - I didn't know it was a secret. - It's his dad. You can't just tease me with that. - Please, guys, but... - It was... You don't understand. My mom, my mom tells me all these stories about how much he's like a saint and all that shit. Like, I-I would love to hear a coke story. - Please. - The PG-13 version. No, you don't... No, the real version. You don't understand the amount of pressure I'm under, - thinking this guy's perfect. - All right, fuck it, fuck it. All right, we were coked out of our minds. - Nice. - All right? We all were. We all... Well, I mean, uh, we were. - But that was a different time. I mean, we all did it. - Right. This guy was the cokehead. - You were the cokehead. - All right. I stopped four years ago. You know that. What are you talk... How do you think he stayed this skinny all these years? No, I have a high metabolism. They should have his face on a nickel in Bolivia.
The King of Staten Island
31.4s
♪ Ain't no music... ♪ - ♪ I ♪ - ♪ I need ♪ ♪ Need smoke ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ I need ♪ ♪ I... ♪ Sorry. I'm sorry. ♪ To smoke ♪ ♪ Who gon' hold me down now? ♪ ♪ I wanna get high, y'all ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ ♪ I wanna get high, y'all ♪ ♪ Need it, need it to get by... ♪ I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ♪ Need it to get by, y'all. ♪
The King of Staten Island
2m27s
Hey, busboy, why is table 12 still dirty? Oh, 'cause they were talking. I didn't think I should interrupt them, but... Interrupt them. Get them out of here. - All right. - Do your job. - Sorry. Whoa. - Take it easy there, brother. - My bad. - Jesus. - Thank you. Uh, hi. Uh, are you done enjoying your meal? There is food in my mouth, and I am chewing. Do you think that I'm finished? I'm just holding this for my health? - Get me some water. - Sorry. - Hey, come here. Come here. Can we order? - Uh, yeah. - I'll go get your waiter. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. We don't have time for that. We're in a hurry. I'm starving. Okay. Can I go? Usually, the woman goes first, but go ahead. - No, no, no, no. - Oh, yeah? - How about I'm paying? - All right. Can I have a chicken parm with meat sauce? No marinara. Thin. Thin chicken parm. Why aren't you writing it down? Yeah, I-I can't actually because, uh, I'm not a waiter. I'm just a busboy, so they don't even give me a pen. Memorize it. Yeah. Seafood pasta. That's what I want. No clams, okay? Double up on the shrimp. That's how I always get it. We come here all the time. I'm not gonna remember a word you guys just said. It's not rocket science. Just go. - Get our shit. - Oh, I'm... All right. I'm starving. ♪ Send me the addy, I'm hunting 'em down ♪ ♪ Send me the addy, I'm hunting 'em down ♪ ♪ Grrt, grrt... ♪ There a dance party or something? - It's fight night. - All right, fight night! Tournament of champions! Fighting for tips. Who's going? Who's going first? - I, Zoots. - Zoots. - Everyone fights for their tips. - The tips that we earn? Y-Yeah, but you have to fight for them now. Who wants some?! Huh?! - Huh? - Who got it?! - It's you, bro. - No way. No, no way. - Put the gloves on. Get in there. Get in there. Hit him. - Hey, yo. - Hey. I don't want... Please, I don... I-I don't want to do this. - Let's just not do this. - You don't want to do this? - What do you mean? - No, well, 'cause we're friends, right? Yeah, no, for the next 15 seconds, this friendship is over, son. - Understand that? - What? - Hmm? - What? Got to understand, fighting is serious. - I don't like it. - It's sacred. It's how I tribute my Lord and Savior. - What? - It's the way I tribute my Lord and Savior, Jesus. I don't think Jesus would want you to kick my ass right now. He would want me to have these tips. - That's what he means. - You can have the tips. I don't even want 'em. - What is this? - I don't know. What's this shit? I've seen Creed a f... a couple times. - What'd you do? - I seen Creed a couple times. - Oh. - Are we about to do the Cotton Eye Joe? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Come on, son. - Okay. - Yeah. Okay. - Come on, son. Oh, that's right. You gonna come this way? Come this way, boy. - Okay. - Come on. Go ahead, take your shot, boy. - Go ahead, take your shot, boy. - For real? - Uh-huh, yeah. Come on! - Ooh! Now we are friends, - goddamn it! - Oh, geez. Take that shit. Yeah! We friends now, nigga, 'cause that's what friends are for. Out this bitch.
The King of Staten Island
33.1s
But, uh, hey, no harm, no foul. You know? 'Cause, uh, if that didn't happen, I, uh... wouldn't have met this lovely lady. Oh, well, happy to help. Things work out. Yeah. Thank God I did what I did, then. Uh, would you guys like to start with still or, uh, sparkling water? - Oh, let's go sparkling. - Uh, spar... Yeah. Yeah? You like sparkling? - Yeah. - Okay. Yeah. Oh, can we get some more bread, too? - Usually go still. - You know? Last time I came here, it came out hot. - Yeah. - It was... oh, it was perfect. It's like my mom made it. Sure. Sparkling and hot bread. All right. Thanks, buddy.
The King of Staten Island
36.3s
What do you think about his tattoo restaurant idea? I think it's terrible. Getting a tattoo is like, uh... it's a medical procedure. You don't want to go to the hospital and order supper, you know? I just love that he has big dreams, but he's just so lost. I mean, no matter how much I try to fill him with good energy, he just... he's got no self-esteem. He's really going nowhere. Don't be so hard on yourself. Scientists have been doing studies. They say a lot of this stuff is genetic. You know, you inherit it from your grandparents. So blame them.
The King of Staten Island
19.6s
And just-just stick to your guns. All right? It'll be fine. Hey. Hey! Come on in. Come have breakfast with us. I made pancakes, and I made the sausage that you like, an omelet. Come, come, come, come sit. Man, these eggs are spectacular. With the onions and the peppers. I love it. I love it.
The King of Staten Island
35.4s
Uh, look... I would love to tattoo your back. Okay, cool. All right, but here's the deal. No unicorns. - No rainbows, all right? - Uh. None of that shit little girls like to color in. Okay. No body parts. No nudity. - Okay. - No Chinese letters. - All right. All right, fine. - I want, I... I want to be able to fucking read whatever you put back there. I don't need some o-order for orange chicken or some shit. All right. Here we go. You ready? Yep, let's do it. Let's get it over with. Yeah, I-I really appreciate this. This is... It's actually very nice. Good. All right.
The King of Staten Island
37.2s
It's a butthole. - Get it? - Oh, my God. ♪ What the fuck, though? Where the love go? ♪ ♪ Oh! ♪ - Uh-huh. - So, we're talking about how the one percent keeps, like, getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and the wealth inequality is just out of control, and we can't continue with capitalism this way. Yeah, I'm s... I'm sick of the rat race. Yeah, no, exactly. Like, what happened to the American dream? I know. It's like an American nightmare now. - Oh, my... Yeah, exa... - Right? ♪ What the fuck, though? Where the love go? ♪ ♪ Five, four, three, two, I let one go, bow ♪ - Bring it... Oh, shit! - Oh! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
The King of Staten Island
1m6s
- We're gonna have a good night. - Oh, yeah. No, we're not. I hate college parties. You've never been to a college party. Come on, just enjoy it. - Relax. Go with it, okay? - Yes, relax. ♪ Five, four, three, two, I let one go, bow ♪ ♪ Get the fuck, though, I don't bluff, bro ♪ ♪ Aiming at your head like a buffalo ♪ ♪ What the fuck, though? Where the love go... ♪ What's your major? It's, uh, uh, evolutionary sociology with-with a splash of bio. Oh. I-I didn't know you could do that. Yeah, you can do whatever the fuck you want. It's college. ♪ I don't huff, though, yellow diamonds up close ♪ ♪ Catch a sunstroke ♪ ♪ At your front door with a gun stowed ♪ ♪ Put the green in the bag like a lawn mower ♪ ♪ Hair trigger pulled back like a cornrow ♪ ♪ What the fuck, bro? Where the love go? ♪ I like your tattoos. I'm an actress, so, like, I don't think I can get that many tattoos, because, like, what if I get cast as, like, an angelic role? Like, I'm kind of, like, a young Winona Ryder. So, like, I could play those parts, and, like, also, like, back when Shakespeare was writing plays, like... ♪ Five, four, three, two, I let one go ♪ ♪ Bow, get the fuck, though, I don't bluff, bro ♪ ♪ Aiming at your head like a buffalo ♪ - What do you think? - What is that?
The King of Staten Island
55.3s
- ♪ Nice ♪ - ♪ Oh ♪ ♪ You what's up, girl, ain't got to ask it ♪ ♪ I dead 'em all now, I buy the caskets ♪ ♪ They should arrest you or whoever dressed you ♪ ♪ Ain't gon' stress you ♪ ♪ But I'm-a let you know, girl, you be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ You be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ Girl, you be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ Uh-uh, oh ♪ ♪ Often imitated, never duplicated ♪ ♪ They say she a dime, I say she underrated ♪ - ♪ Nice ♪ - ♪ I just met her ♪ ♪ So the next solution ♪ ♪ Dead my old chick, execution ♪ ♪ You what's up, girl, ain't got to ask it ♪ ♪ I dead 'em all now, I buy the caskets ♪ ♪ Girl, you be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ You be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ Girl, you be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ You be killin' 'em ♪ ♪ Girl, you be killin' 'em... ♪ - Scott? - Yo. Come sit down. I need to talk to you about something. What's up? Someone die? No, no, nobody's dead. Thank God.
The King of Staten Island