Found 1199 results
1m8s
Oh, well, that's not gonna work. Why not? I could just use a hair dryer and ruin him. Keep thinking, though. What do you got? What do you like to do? - I like to sing. - You do? Could-could you sing for me? Sure. ♪ Oh, what a beautiful morning ♪ Yes. ♪ Oh, what a beautiful day ♪ All right. ♪ I've got a wonderful feeling ♪ ♪ Everything's going my way. ♪ That shit was dope. High five. She's a good singer. I don't agree with the sentiment of the song, but it was really great. Anyway, have a great day at school. Uh... I hope it's not shitty, and, um, yeah, give your, uh, sister a kiss goodbye. - We don't do that. - Just do it. See? Wasn't that nice? Now, if she dies tomorrow, you'll remember that, that you kissed her goodbye. Have a good day at school. - Later, man. - Pay attention. - Why would I die? - I don't know. You never know what's gonna happen. Think you're immortal?
The King of Staten Island
1m46s
- Whew! - Oh! - Oh! - Ooh, God! - Awesome. - Hell yeah. Ew! That's my shit. This movie makes no sense. Why-why would the government make a purge legal? - Clearly to let them blow off some steam. Hello. - Yeah. - That's why you go to the spa. - Yeah. Or the therapist. - Or get your nails done. - Or... Or murder some folks. Hmm? I mean, come on, guys. I-I brought Tara over so that we could get out of this basement. Let's go out. Let's go dancing. - I love dancing. - Let's do something. We don't go out. We don't dance. - The Purge is not enough for you? - No. Does anybody else like dancing? - I like it. - Yes, me! - You do? - I love dancing. Yes. He loves... He's a really good dancer. What's your favorite move? It's kind of like a shake. - A shake? That's... - I don't know. I just do whatever the m-music tells me to do. There's nothing but douchebags at these clubs. - I love it here, man. It's safe. - Oh, but, come on. God, you just sit here all day, - and then smoke weed and jerk each other off. - Yeah. That sounds amazing. I've never been jerked off by any of my friends. Me, either. I like your tattoos. - I knew you would, right? - Those are... - Oh, my God. That... - No, don't talk to him. - He has, he has chlamydia. - I had. - Oh, my God. - Had chlamydia. - It's curable. - And you introduced me to the girl that gave me chlamydia, so you basically gave me chlamydia. You assisted the chlamydia. He doesn't have insurance. - He can't get the meds. - It's fine. I act... I actually did some of those. You did? You know I got to rep the island. - Hey. - Staten Island. - Wow, Staten. - S.I., you know. - Yeah. - Looks so good. - Thank you. - You have a bunch of tattoos also. - Yeah. - What is that date? - Oh. - Ooh. Uh, that's, uh, the date my Dad died. Oh, my God, your dad died? I'm so sorry. Don't be. It's fine. It's totally cool. - So, what happened? - Ooh! - Okay, you don't need to ask. - No. - No, no, no, no. - Don't ask that. It's kind of inappropriate. Uh, he was a, he was a fireman. So, he died in a fire. Oh, my God.
The King of Staten Island
27.3s
- Yeah, we knew. - Yeah, we knew. - We don't like to talk about it. - We knew. That's why we don't bring it up. - Apologize to Scott. - It's the right thing to do. - You should say sorry. - Apologize or get out. It's not okay. Scott, um, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry - that I asked about your tattoo. - Yeah. What? He doesn't care. It's fine. - He doesn't care. - Look at him. - He's laughing so much. - I don't care. We talk about his dead dad all the time.
The King of Staten Island
2m36s
Hey, hey, wait. Hey, hey, guys. Look, look. You can't be here, man. - Y-You got to go. - Why? It's private property, that's why. It's an abandoned orphanage. Why can't we be here? Who gives a shit, man? What are you doing here? You fucking protecting the ghosts of dead orphans? Look, fat Kanye, shut your damn mouth. I'll be back in five minutes for you assholes. If you're still here, I'm calling the cops, period. You better get the cops, man, 'cause you're a fake cop. - You need the real ones. - Motherfuckers. - Fuck all of y'all. - I feel bad. We-we were a little too mean. - Yeah. - He's nice. Yeah, he's a really good guy. See, that guy... that is what is wrong with Staten Island. We don't get any cool people from any of the other boroughs. No one comes here. We're stuck with the fucking pricks that live here. You're talking about us. Right in front of us. Yeah, kinda. I mean, no one comes here. There's no flow of people. That guy's, like, 200. We've known him since we were six. Why can't we be cool like Brooklyn? There's no reason we shouldn't be cool like Brooklyn. We got amazing views. It's close to the city. It's cheap. Nice people. It makes no sense. We're, like, the only place that New Jersey looks down on. You could see the garbage dump from space. This place is never gonna change. No, it happened to the Meatpacking District, the Village. Brooklyn used to be a fucking shithole. We are next. I'm gonna take my civil service test. I'm gonna work in the city, in city planning. You watch, this place is gonna be like fucking Williamsburg - in ten years. - No, all right? No. Nobody wants that. Why do you want to work in the city and do city planning? That sounds so boring. I feel like Brooklyn is better. I dated a guy that lived in Brooklyn. He was a mixologist. He made ice cubes out of milk. - He was so classy. - Shut up! I love Staten Island. It's amazing. And people are gonna see it soon, trust me. Well, if you love it so much, why don't you let me tattoo it on you? No, I'm not gonna let you tattoo me again. Fine. Well, I need somebody to tattoo. I'm, I-I'm running out of... Come on, Rich. What about you, man? - Don't even look at me, dude. - Why? Your work is mad inconsistent. Obama ain't right. I got the eyes wrong, okay? He's not right. All right, man, this has hurt me, all right? I don't have any black friends anymore. I can't go to a barber shop no more. You got Obama wrong. Ain't nothing worse than that. What about you, Igor? You want a dragon or something? Oh, I love your tattoos. My brother? It's a spitting image. - Yeah. It's one of the best. - It's my favorite. No, no, no, no. This is my favorite. Oh, you killed that. - Yeah, I really worked hard on the eyes. - Just... He's so cute. I love his butthole. It reminds me that I have a belly button. - So, I'm good. - Yeah, I got to go. Watching you beg to give tattoos is too sad. And that's freaking me out. We're almost done. Almost.
The King of Staten Island
49.7s
They went to high school together. They went to fucking high school together. I'm like, "Only Stan could get away with that." I swear to God. Well, you know, the rumor is that he got the coke from the cops. Not that cop. There was another cop he knew in Manhattan. What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No. - Coke? What? No. - Guys, guys, guys. - Guys, it's his dad. - So? - I didn't know it was a secret. - It's his dad. You can't just tease me with that. - Please, guys, but... - It was... You don't understand. My mom, my mom tells me all these stories about how much he's like a saint and all that shit. Like, I-I would love to hear a coke story. - Please. - The PG-13 version. No, you don't... No, the real version. You don't understand the amount of pressure I'm under, - thinking this guy's perfect. - All right, fuck it, fuck it. All right, we were coked out of our minds. - Nice. - All right? We all were. We all... Well, I mean, uh, we were. - But that was a different time. I mean, we all did it. - Right. This guy was the cokehead. - You were the cokehead. - All right. I stopped four years ago. You know that. What are you talk... How do you think he stayed this skinny all these years? No, I have a high metabolism. They should have his face on a nickel in Bolivia.
The King of Staten Island
31.4s
♪ Ain't no music... ♪ - ♪ I ♪ - ♪ I need ♪ ♪ Need smoke ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ I need ♪ ♪ I... ♪ Sorry. I'm sorry. ♪ To smoke ♪ ♪ Who gon' hold me down now? ♪ ♪ I wanna get high, y'all ♪ ♪ Whoa ♪ ♪ I wanna get high, y'all ♪ ♪ Need it, need it to get by... ♪ I'm sorry. I'm sorry. ♪ Need it to get by, y'all. ♪
The King of Staten Island
35.4s
Uh, look... I would love to tattoo your back. Okay, cool. All right, but here's the deal. No unicorns. - No rainbows, all right? - Uh. None of that shit little girls like to color in. Okay. No body parts. No nudity. - Okay. - No Chinese letters. - All right. All right, fine. - I want, I... I want to be able to fucking read whatever you put back there. I don't need some o-order for orange chicken or some shit. All right. Here we go. You ready? Yep, let's do it. Let's get it over with. Yeah, I-I really appreciate this. This is... It's actually very nice. Good. All right.
The King of Staten Island
37.2s
It's a butthole. - Get it? - Oh, my God. ♪ What the fuck, though? Where the love go? ♪ ♪ Oh! ♪ - Uh-huh. - So, we're talking about how the one percent keeps, like, getting bigger and bigger and bigger, and the wealth inequality is just out of control, and we can't continue with capitalism this way. Yeah, I'm s... I'm sick of the rat race. Yeah, no, exactly. Like, what happened to the American dream? I know. It's like an American nightmare now. - Oh, my... Yeah, exa... - Right? ♪ What the fuck, though? Where the love go? ♪ ♪ Five, four, three, two, I let one go, bow ♪ - Bring it... Oh, shit! - Oh! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
The King of Staten Island
24.4s
So, your mom is banging my ex? Yeah, I'm not thrilled about it, either. Yeah, well, you shouldn't be. Harold. Kelly. Come here. Come here. There's something, something kind of fun. Come here. Come here. Oh, hey, man. So, this is Harold, and this is Kelly. And, uh, this is...
The King of Staten Island
1m15s
Hey! Oh. Oh, oh, oh, you're so skinny. - Have you been eating? - Yeah. - Hi. - Hey. How are you? This is Ray. - Hey. How you doing? - Oh. - Nice to finally meet you. - Nice to meet you. Yeah, I feel like I already know you. Your mom talks about you all the time. - Oh, God. - Oh. No, only good stuff, only good stuff. Should we go eat? I am so sick of eating off a tray. - You hungry? - Yeah, I could eat. - Could always eat. - Uh-huh. Beautiful school. "Yeah, I could eat. I could always eat." Fucking asshole. Look at those two angels, huh? - Yeah, I know them. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - You walk them to school, don't you? - Yeah, I know who they are. - Oh, my God. - She's so cute. - Look. Look at those curls. We took them to see Stomp Off-Broadway. - They went crazy! - Oh, my God. I love Stomp. What's Stomp? What is that? It's the greatest musical of all time. Yeah, it's, like, that show where people play the drums on, like, garbage cans and, like, tap with broomsticks. - Stuff around the house. - Yeah. Like, you just see a toaster, we make an English muffin. They-they see a whole song. It's incredible. I know a homeless guy that plays trash can lids on the subway, for a dollar. And then he took a shit on the platform. Oh. Well, you know. I don't know if he's gonna get a Tony for that, but... Maybe if they keep practicing and get an adult diaper, they can, uh, get to Broadway someday.
The King of Staten Island
39.5s
Mom doesn't need to peruse dick. - You know she needs to. - I think she seems happy. You want her to have sex with a ton of people? No, but, yeah, kind of. - I mean... - That's gross. Well, if you knew something was bad before it even started, wouldn't you stop it if you had the chance? It's like that whole baby Hitler thing, you know? If you had the chance to kill baby Hitler before it grew up, wouldn't you do it? Wouldn't you strangle it until its eyes popped out? So, Ray's baby Hitler? Yeah. In this situation, he is, yeah. He's baby Hitler. So, do you want to help me kill baby Hitler? Okay, you're right, Scott. You're right. - I'll see you tomorrow. - Claire! Claire!
The King of Staten Island
59.1s
- Oh, fuck. - You'll be all right. - Oh, my God. - You'll be all right. Guys, I need help! This guy's bleeding! He's losing a lot of blood! - I need a gurney, please! - Oh, thank you. - All right, just hold... Put... - Thank you. Put pressure on it, all right? Hi. This guy's been, uh, either shot or stabbed. I don't know. He's been kind of vague about it. Sir, have you been shot? Stabbed? No. - I fell in a thorn bush. - Okay. Have him fill out this paperwork, and the doctor will call you when he's ready. Do me a favor, man. Can we just switch identities? What? No. Just let me use your driver's license. - We look nothing alike, dude. - No one's gonna know. Just trust me. I'm bleeding. It feels like I have to shit. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm Margie's son. Do you know... I'm Margie's son. I don't know who that is. I'm just filling in. Okay. - I know. - My pain keeps coming. Tell that fucking cocksucker, my father, that I hate him and I love him at the same time and I forgive him. I-I-I do not need to do that, because you're gonna live.
The King of Staten Island