Found 659 results
37.3s
So he doesn't have to wear a cast or anything? It's just stitches? - Yeah. - Well, that's good news. - Yeah. - And how did this happen? It was my fault. I walked away, and I left the gun there. - Juan just picked it up. - No. It wasn't their fault. It was mine. I was trying to leave in a car and I wasn't supposed to, and then they got distracted, and then I yelled at Juan, and he dropped the thing on his foot... Don't be ridiculous. I should never have left the nail gun there. Pete, shut up! This is the kind of stuff they move kids for, okay? It wasn't their fault. They didn't do anything. - I should be the one getting in trouble right now. - It's okay. Why don't you come on over here? Excuse me. And, uh, let's talk about what happened.
Instant Family
15.5s
What are you doing? Take it out! - No, better to leave it in till we get to the hospital. - You're okay, buddy. We're here. We're here. You're okay. Stay still. I got to wrap it up. Relax. We'll get you there in one second, okay? You're... - Oh, honey, Juan is gonna be okay. - Come on.
Instant Family
52.5s
All right, look, you drop them off. I'm gonna find this Jacob kid and get to the bottom of this, okay? - Okay. - All right. - Wait, Pete, that's him! - What? Him? That redhead kid right there? The kid with the soup can for a...? Come on. I'm getting him. You! Dick pic! Hey! Hey! - Hey! Excuse me. - What's up, man? Wanted to catch a fade, huh? - Dick pic! - Think it's okay? Sending pictures of your knob to a 15-year-old girl? You're lucky I don't end your life right now, carrot top. I saw what you wrote to her: "If you don't show me something, I'm gonna lose interest." That's actually sexual assault, young man. It's disgusting! Not such a big man now, are you? Come on, whip it out! Show everybody those big shaved plums you're so proud of! We're gonna call your mom, tell the principal, maybe even call the police. - What do you think of that, Jacob? - My name's not Jacob! - What? - My name is Charlie. That's Charlie. - I thought you said his name was Jacob. - Really? And my plums aren't shaved. Or big.
Instant Family
42.2s
What? You don't. - Actually, there's this one guy, Jacob. - Yeah? Wow, that's a cute name. Jacob. I like... Like Jake. No, honey, it's "Hway-cob." Right? Right? "Hway-cob." No, no, it's just Jacob. Jacob. J... J... acob. Yeah, and he's not cute. He's more of like an artsy, old soul type. - Yeah! - Yeah. I was never into the cute ones either. Nah. Cute's overrated. Right? I didn't either. I've never had a hot boyfriend, ever. Shut up! ♪ You look like a monkey ♪ ♪ And you smell like one too ♪ Yeah!
Instant Family
56.7s
- Well, not yet! - Not yet. Sorry, but we shouldn't be laughing. No, it's actually important to have a sense of humor about this kind of thing. Right. You gotta laugh or you'll never make it through this. That is right. Speaking of which, next up we have October, who still hasn't been matched with a child. Well, there's some good news. Ha-ha-ha. So, together we're all gonna decide which chore we'd like to do and then each week we'll mix it up. - Can I do "Feed Meatball"? - Yes! - I want to feed Meatball! - You can feed him next week. Pete, I hope she's not serious about all this. It's not just she, it's we. And we are. Very serious. - Okay, so do you want us to wash your feet too? - Oh, Lizzy. - This is bullshit! - Lizzy! Hey, hey, wait, wait! Lizzy. Let's just... Let's... Let's try something else. Can we just take a moment, calm down, and take a few breaths? Please? Try it.
Instant Family
1m24s
- Unlock the window! - And if I say anything about any of it... I'm so sorry. It's not my fault. - Lizzy's favorite pastime is just... - Just leave me alone! Thanks for making me late. You're an asshole. God forbid we actually try to parent the little ones. No, no, that's her territory. Don't forget, when Lizzy was ten her mother would disappear for weeks at a time, leaving Lizzy to parent Juan and Lita all by herself. Yeah, she's not just gonna step aside and let you two take over. - Are you saying that we should let her parent the kids? - Are you paying attention? She's 15. She's a terrible parent. She needs to be a kid. Now, you gotta step up and become the parents. - But you just said she won't let us. - Nope, she won't. You know, Karen, you've been a godsend through most of this, but you're just about to piss me off! You won't get anywhere with her until you two get on the same page. - Right? - That's right. If she's hostile with you again, maybe try using the three R's. Okay? Number one: regulate. "Lizzy, why don't you take some deep breaths, count to ten." Number two: relate. "I understand that you're upset. Nobody likes to feel this way." - That's good. - Number three: reason. "Lizzy, it's okay to be angry. What's not okay is to threaten to slash our throats in the middle of the night when we're asleep." - Hmm? - What? I'm sorry, did I...? That was actually us. Our story. - Yeah. - Last session. The little guy didn't follow through with it though.
Instant Family
29.6s
It's the look. She's doing the look. I gotta get some ketchup. Pete, you'd said you'd say something to her next time she acts all bitchy. I never said the word "bitchy." It was her word, not mine. I am always the bad guy because you're never there. I'm not gonna apologize for working. Somebody's gotta deal with that dump of a house you bought before it bankrupts us. I bought? You loved it too. And that's not even the point. The point is, when you are there, you let them get away with murder. I got on Lizzy just last night when she wouldn't clean up after dinner! Perfect parent, huh? - Is this funny, Kit? - I think we're all enjoying this a little bit, Pete.
Instant Family