The Big Sick Kumail Nanjiani Clear all

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Oh. Yeah.

The Big Sick

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- Okay, bye. - Yeah.

The Big Sick

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Oh, just that I, um, I wanted to thank you.

The Big Sick

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All right.

The Big Sick

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Uh, my parents told me everything that you did for me, and I feel like the last time we spoke, I didn't properly thank you, so...

The Big Sick

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Just gonna drive out, and we have a place all ready, and...

The Big Sick

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What were you gonna say?

The Big Sick

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Nobody's on stage? No.

The Big Sick

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And we all know what happens after eight Jell-O shots. We urinate all over ourselves and puke. Okay, so I'm gonna bring up the next comic. - Confidence. Poise. - You know this man. Give it up for Mr. Chris Jones! - Smile. - [ Audience cheering ] - DODD: Chris! - He's like if a serial killer fucked an inspirational speaker. He's like Daniel Day-Lewis, except he sucks.

The Big Sick

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- [ Laughs ] - SAM: I've tried his warm-up. - It does not work for me. - So unsettling. CHRIS: Just bought a laser printer. Printed out, like, six lasers so far. - Maybe. - KUMAIL: Hey, DODD. Uh, Dalavan's in the crowd tonight. - Can I do ten? - No, five minutes.

The Big Sick

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You put out chairs, you do five minutes. - You know the deal. - Come on, man. I'll double it up next time. Come on. What are you gonna do in there? I'm making up next week's schedule. Okay, cool.

The Big Sick

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Who's Bob Dalavan? Bob Dalavan works for the Montreal Comedy Festival, you fucking doof. - He's here? - CJ: Yes. Don't you want to get noticed?

The Big Sick

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Don't you want to move to L.A.? Hang out with Elijah Wood, and shit?

The Big Sick

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So, these are my real journals, honestly. And this is the woman who wrote them. - Poor gal. - [ Audience laughs ] Yeah. She-- She has no idea that, like, giant titties are about to sprout and change her life dramatically.

The Big Sick

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Bob Dalavan.

The Big Sick

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♪ Somethin's wrong 'cause my mind is fading ♪ ♪ And everywhere I look there's a dead end waiting ♪ ♪ Temperature's dropping at the rotten oasis ♪ ♪ Stealing kisses from the leprous faces ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind ♪ ♪ Got a devil's haircut in my mind... ♪

The Big Sick

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So, uh, thank you, guys... There's no bad crowds, dude, only bad comedians. You complain about the crowd, like, all the time. Yeah, like, that's when they're really bad. That's, like, 90% of the time they're really bad. Look, will you just watch and give me notes tonight? All right? If we both give each other notes, I think it helps. Your notes are just, "Add more fucks into the bit." - That doesn't help anybody. - Hey, fuck's a funny word. It's soft on the top, and it's hard on the end. That was truly horrible. - That was so bad. - What happened? - Just watch. - I'll watch, give you notes. - All right. Thank you. - Hey, that was great. No, he didn't even crack a smile. - I thought I was gonna puke. - Who?

The Big Sick

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I mean, we played cricket, which is just a spicier version of baseball.

The Big Sick