Found 337 results
53.2s
She just comes out here, she takes all this stuff out, and she can't bother with the one second it takes to close a stupid door or put anything in the sink. - What happened? - I found my hairbrush in the toilet this morning. - What? - I told you that wasn't me! Of course it was you. I left it in the bathroom for you. - Juan and Lita aren't even up yet. - I'm up now, Miss Noisy Pants. I'm sorry, sweetie. I thought we were really connecting. I left it there for her with a nice little note, with hearts on it and stuff. - Oh, my God. - I didn't do it. - Wow. Hello. - What is that? You're wearing that? Are you going to a strip club? Sorry I don't dress like an uptight douche like you. - You don't talk to my wife like that! - This is from Ann Taylor. Loft! You know what? Go put some clothes on, a lot of them. - Then get in my truck. I'm driving you this morning. - Oh, my God! You guys are so annoying! - Change the clothes. - It's not that big of a deal. - Hey. - Do I dress like a douche? - No. Make sure she gets out to my truck. - Bye, Daddy. Bye, sweetie.
Instant Family
33.1s
Oh, is that that boy Jacob? The one that just picked up that bit of trash? - Don't freak out about it. - No! Why would I freak out about it? He looks like an artistic type, like you said. - You think so? - Definitely! - Look at that face. - Yeah. Conscientious. Picking up trash. Yeah. Yeah, he is. Yeah. - Well, have a good day. - Thanks. You too. - Okay. - All right. Careful with your foot, Juan. Bye, Lita. Well, did you see that? Definitely starting to hate me a bit less, right? Maybe.
Instant Family
44.1s
- Bye! - Hey! - Where the hell were you? - We went to the movies. And it ran a little bit later. It's not a big deal. You couldn't have taken five seconds to let us know nobody murdered you? Well, guess what? You're grounded. - I'm grounded? - Yeah. You're grounded. Because I just grounded you. Before you weren't grounded, you weren't anything, and then I just said that thing that I said, and now you're grounded! - We've been waiting one hour for you! - I'm the bad guy. Calm down. - He's the bad guy. - You're not going anywhere. - You're done! - Done! - Don't want to hear it! - You know what? When I was nine I lived in a crack house. So I'm pretty sure the multiplex is a comparatively safe environment. Oh, no. No. You don't play that trouble pass card with us. Your butt's in a sling, missy! - Oh, Grandma Sandy, I forgot. - What? I got you, um...
Instant Family
34.3s
- Hey, hon. - Hey. - Hi. How's she doing? - She's good. Oh. Yeah. And check this out. I got here early, Lizzy saw me, and she came over and just starts talking. - To you? - Yeah! Not, like, full-on girl talk, but not the usual silent treatment either. She was telling me about that kid Jacob, and how he doesn't say much so she can't tell if he likes her. Next thing I know I'm in full mom mode, giving her advice, like, "Well, sometimes with the quiet types you'll have to make the first move." You said "make a move"? You told her to make a move on a boy? This kid is harmless, baby. Trust me. I'm thrilled she even likes him. I totally pegged her for the bad boys.
Instant Family
29.5s
Now we're talking! - That's exactly what I was thinking. - Hello! - I hate them so much. - Me too. They're the worst. They're so ungrateful. We're doing everything for them. - And they could give two shits. - Right? But guess what? They're not adopted yet. No. No, they're not. We could just... put 'em back. I mean, yes, we would look like the worst people in the world, but... Yeah, we would. And right now everybody thinks we're saints. I know. I love that part. I do love that part. That's the only good part.
Instant Family
21s
Just an idea. What if we say that some relatives came forward? The courts took 'em. There's nothing we could do. Right? We squirt a few tears, we act super devastated. That's good. That's good. That's very good. And we get our clean house and date night back. And everybody feels sorry for us. - Yes! - Right? Get some presents maybe.
Instant Family