Found 796 results
22s
It feels kind of like I'm cheating on Jamie. Are you fucking shitting me? In what world is this cheating? Cheating is when any part of your dick gets up inside some woman that's not your wife, okay? And your dick is firmly planted inside these fucking lame, triple-pleated sports slacks. But my mind is over here. That should count for something, right? God, you big bitch. How many women have you fucked in your mind? Thousands?
The Change-Up
30.6s
Holy fuck-knuckles, I've got freckles on my taint. How awesome is that? Hey, fag, what are you doing here? Three days to three weeks? You left the kids at daycare? Come, on, Mitch! Those are my kids. I can't do this shit any more. No, no, no. You are going do this shit. You don't get off that easy. My marriage is falling apart, my job is on the line. You are going to be the best possible me you can be right now. Dave, you don't understand. I cannot do this. - Not even for another hour. - You're gonna do it. I don't care! You're going to stay here and do this right! Get out of my fucking way, or I'll drown you in your own goddamn tub!
The Change-Up
13.3s
These are called children, or dependants. Never disparage your own child. Everything they do is a miracle from God. When they're bad, it's only because they're tired or going through a phase. When other kids are bad, it's because of indulgent parenting or innate defects in the child's character.
The Change-Up