Guns hot? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not, lady. It's not going to happen tonight, okay? I'm not attracted to you. Rotate your turret and go night-night.
The Change-Up
6.2s
So it's like you have three balls. Dave has three balls. A bouquet of balls. Bad! Bad!
The Change-Up
15.6s
What did you do? The woman is nine months pregnant! I could see the baby's face. I told you not to screw up my Tuesday night. Do you have any idea how many Lamaze classes I had to sit through to get that lined up? Is there a reason that you're calling me at 3:00 in the morning? Yeah, the dock worker is making me feed the twins. What do I do?
The Change-Up
13.7s
Hey, Daddy, which one do you like better? The southern monarch or the many-spotted skipperling? I am a many-spotted skipperling man, all the way. The monarch is just a glorified moth, don't you think? Yes. I tend to agree.
The Change-Up
5.4s
I saw you in that commercial for meat, incidentally. That was the most brilliant portrayal of baloney I have ever seen.
The Change-Up
1.2s
Dad.
The Change-Up
1.8s
Thank you so much.
The Change-Up
3.3s
Last week he told me my shoes were dangerously Italian. What?
The Change-Up
12s
He's early. Yeah, you'd be early, too, if all you did all day was eat hummus and masturbate. What's hummus? That is a Mediterranean spread, honey. What's master-ate? It's a cracker.
The Change-Up
1.2s
Not really.
The Change-Up
3.7s
Okay. Bathed, diapered, and in the PJs.
The Change-Up
1.3s
But a Double Windsor?
The Change-Up
2.4s
Is Dave meeting your needs, sexually?
The Change-Up
11.8s
Mrs. Hickham at a Starbucks in Druid Hills. - Our social studies teacher? - Yeah. I asked her out and she wouldn't go out with me, which is crazy, because I nailed her in high school. - You did? - I dated her mouth for a full semester.
The Change-Up
2.3s
- Yeah, I guess. - Good.
The Change-Up
26s
Hey, Mitch. Your hair looks good. Thanks. Yeah, I had to cut it for a fucking tampon commercial. Uncle Mitch! How's my favorite ballerina doing? - Hi, Uncle Mitch. - Hi! Gosh, you're so light. Are you dieting? Do you want to come to my dance recital? No, honey. The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes involves a big, shiny pole, and a broken woman with daddy issues.
The Change-Up
8.1s
Vegetable medley! - How are you? - Good. - You're good? - Yeah. Are you dating anyone? - You know who I ran into? - Who?
