You're gonna know the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with when you cheat on her.
The Big Sick
1.9s
It just feels totally different now.
The Big Sick
1s
Have fun.
The Big Sick
18.4s
So, today is actually tomorrow, earlier tonight was yesterday, so two days. You see, I don't date time-nerds, so that really takes you off the table. [ Laughing ] That works out 'cause I am a hardcore time-nerd. Yeah, I can tell. I'm, like, very strict about a.m./p.m. stuff and...
The Big Sick
2.4s
But I don't know what I believe.
The Big Sick
1.6s
I'm seven years old.
The Big Sick
4.1s
Hi. I like your cane.
The Big Sick
4.7s
I like that you bring it up as if you've never brought it up before. How's the stand-up coming, Bhai?
The Big Sick
2.6s
Let's talk about... So, are you from out of town, ma'am?
The Big Sick
23.4s
[ Chuckles ] Ah, I'm sorry. It's very rude to heckle comedians. Oh, that wasn't a heckle. I just kind of whoo-hoo'd for you. Well, see, that's a common misconception. Heckling doesn't have to be negative. So if I was like, "Oh, my God, you're amazing in bed!" - That would be a... - [ Audience laughing ] ...heckle? Yeah, and now you're getting more laughs than me, and I don't like that. Do you want to come up, do my job?
The Big Sick
9.9s
Have you seen him? Or her? I mean, I don't... I don't know what your deal is, but... Yeah, I've seen him. [ "My Love" by The Bird and the Bee playing ]
The Big Sick
3s
- Here to see someone. - And, um...
The Big Sick
15.4s
If I said "lawyer," they're like, "Oh, okay. "That's something." 'Cause there's a strict hierarchy. It's doctor, engineer, lawyer, hundreds of jobs, ISIS, then comedian. - [ Audience laughing ] - [ Emily whoops loudly]
The Big Sick
23.5s
And I actually have a pretty strict two-day rule where I can't see someone more than two days in a row. So, since we hung out for two days, even if I were to see you again, which I won't 'cause you're not dating, I'm not dating, I wouldn't be able to see you till Monday. We haven't hung out for two days. We've hung out for about five hours. - Yeah, but... - Just to be totally clear. Yesterday and today 'cause it's after midnight.
The Big Sick
3.3s
I agree with you. - So, don't call me again. - I won't.
The Big Sick
3.6s
Hey, can we have an awkward hug before we part forever?
The Big Sick
3.5s
Hey, do they know what they're doing? 'Cause they don't tell us anything.
