Sorry. You don't mind the pot, do you? I get migraines. Oh, absolutely, me, too. That's fine. I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 2O minutes. Oh, I'm Samantha Jackson. Ted. How are ya? Good to meet you. John. Nice to meet you. Wait, wait, wait. What's your middle name?
Ted 2
23.5s
You know, Rocky! I'm not gonna remember a movie I've never seen justbecause you're singing a song I don't know. You don't know Samuel L. Jackson, you don't know Rocky. You are literally pop culture illiterate. I have a college degree. My pop culture references are Hamlet, Achilles and Dorian Gray. Ever heard of any of them? No, but I'm pretty sure Mr. T could kick their ass! Yeah, Sam, you really need to be educated. Oh, really? Um, can either of you tell me who wrote The Great Gatsby?
Ted 2
3s
Um, one of the janitors would like to see you.
Ted 2
2.4s
(KNOCKING ON DOOR) Yes!
Ted 2
20.5s
(SINGING) What did you think I would do at this moment When you're standing before me With tears in your eyes That answer your question? Objection. Your Honor? (SINGSONGY) Overruled! A-ha! What it is, man! Dynomite.
Ted 2
9.5s
Oh, my God! So you're Sam L. Jackson! (LAUGHS) That's fucking great! Just like Sam L. Jackson! Who is that? You ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.
Ted 2
6s
Your name is Toby! You're going to learn to say your name. Let me hear you say it.
Ted 2
3.8s
And if I may inquire, why did you not choose to have a child of your own?
Ted 2
1.6s
(LAUGHTER)
Ted 2
3.5s
Oh, hey, come on. It's not worth it, man. Come on.
Ted 2
18.8s
(SCOFFS) Now, come on! Are any of you gonna sit there and tell me that this stuffed doll is a person? No. Not at all. We all agree all the time. I don't think he should want to be considered a person. After all, you know, Ted spent many years sleeping and cuddling with a child. That's cute when you're a stuffed animal. When you're a person, that's a felony. (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
Ted 2
5.7s
And live from New York, it's Saturday Night! (APPLAUSE)
Ted 2
2.8s
You see, Your Honor? He's not an animal.
Ted 2
2.2s
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Ted 2
4.5s
I am not an animal!
Ted 2
1.5s
(GROWLING)
Ted 2
15s
FEMALE NEWSCASTER: Also in the news, a pending court case is beginning to get national attention for its civil rights ramifications. Ted, the bear, who some of you may remember came to life back in the mid-'80s right here in Boston, is suing to prove he is indeed a person.
Ted 2
13.1s
Go on. We just have to make sure Ted loses the case. You use every back channel, every bribe, you call in every favor and you get the best lawyer in the world on the defense.
