Goal, Ostreicher! - All right, Oz! - Atta boy, Ozzie! Whoo! Yeah, baby! - We're crushing you losers! - Let's go, fellas! Come on! Whoo-hoo!
American Pie
12.6s
Hi. - How'd you know I was here? - Stifler told me. - Talked to Stifler? - Well, I needed to find you. We're gonna have to work on that song.
American Pie
48.2s
Ha-ha, nice! - Jesus! Stifler, how much did you drink, man? Hey, Stifler? How's the pale ale? - Fuck you! - Ooh, whoo! - That's Stifler's mom? - Yup. Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman like this produced a guy like Stifler. - Dude, that chick's a "MILF." - What the hell is that? - M-I-L-F... Mom I'd like to fuck. - Yeah, dude! Oh-ho, yeah! - Yeah! MILF! MILF! - Hey, guys... Guys. Guys. - Come here. - Sherman, what's goin' on? Yeah, uh... Don't you think you fellas could try a little tact? I got company, if you know what I mean?
American Pie
22.8s
Vicky, think it's time to take the next step in our relationship? - Tonight? - Yeah, it's such a perfect evening. I mean, it's how you've always pictured it, isn't it? Damn, my parts fuckin' stink! Dude, you gotta take a shit! You smell like a Yeti! Or not. Just relax.
American Pie
10s
- Why are you doing this? - 'Cause I want to. Yeah? Well, you can't fake this. You better practice.
American Pie
9.7s
# Do do do do do do do # I just gotta say that women, like a fine wine, only get better with age.
American Pie
6.6s
Is she? She's goin' downstairs.
American Pie
14.9s
Fuck me! There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house. And you're not gonna do anything about that? What am I gonna do, huh? Broadcast her over the Internet? - Yeah. - You can do that?
American Pie
13.8s
- But... - See, that's what I've been realizing... is that... nothing's perfect. And you can't plan everything. Well, I guess... you will be pretty far away.
American Pie
12s
Xenophobic. Oh! - Regurgitation. - I know that one.
American Pie
32.8s
Ow! Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It'll desensitize you. I don't want you coming so damn early this time. What makes you think that I would come early? Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing. Yes, I am. So I said, "This is very obviously a Piero della Francesca."
American Pie
18.1s
- Good morning, gentlemen. - Finch. Where were you last night, huh? What happened to that foolproof plan of yours? Well, I was going for a fashionably-late entrance and I was too late. So, no ladies left. It was a very special night, very special. Guys. Guys.
American Pie
8s
We'll tell you on the bus. I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag. My date too, perhaps?
American Pie
3.2s
I wasn't lying.
American Pie
1m26s
Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. - I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? It's like... It's like... banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game. - Right. No. - It's not a game. What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. - Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner. - You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner. - Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course. Good. So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on... the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back... on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff. You see, Hal is going through a... rite of passage, much like you all are. So make most of the time you've got left together. You'll miss it later. So, does your tongue cramp up? Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though. That's amazing. She's probably gonna want to do it soon.
American Pie
35.2s
You know what? I don't know if I want to be doing this. - Doing what? - You know, like, if we hook up tonight, tomorrow I'll just be some girl you go telling all your friends about. No way! Steve, you could at least look at me when you say that! Look. Sarah, I... I wouldn't go telling stories or anything about you. I promise. So, just... relax, take it slow... and let the good times roll.
American Pie
2.1s
That was a great night, huh?
American Pie
26.3s
- Let me know. - Okay. Keep going. I should be able to talk to girls. I'm articulate. You know, I got a 720 on my S.A.T. Verbal. Bullshit. There's no way. I kid you not, man. Look. Listen. Copious. Verisimilitude. Oh, ohh. Now.