Found 838 results
47.6s
What? It's good for you. I didn't know... You're supposed to take six shits a day. That's not true. It is true! You're supposed to shit twice a day. No. That's not true. That's what they used to think. Now they know you're supposed to shit six times a day. So you're not drinking. You're not smoking weed. You're not... No, no, I'm drinking and smoking weed. But... I'm on a cleanse. I'm not psychotic. Look, man, if you stopped eating gluten, you'd feel way fucking better all day. Whenever you feel shitty, that's 'cause of gluten. That's not true. It is. Who the fuck told you not to eat gluten? It's just true. You don't even know what gluten is. I know what fucking gluten is. No, you have no idea what gluten is. I do know what gluten is. Gluten's a vague term. It's something that's used to categorize things that are bad, you know? Calories, that's a gluten. Fat, that's a gluten. Somebody just told you you probably shouldn't eat gluten, you're like, "Oh, I guess I shouldn't eat gluten. " Gluten means bad shit, man, and I'm not eating it.
This Is the End
30s
I don't know why I'm thinking of this, but remember that time that I got you a fucking Taco Bell gift certificate for, like, 20 bucks, and I bet you that you couldn't eat all of that in one sitting. I do remember that. I remember thinking, "How much food could 20 dollars "possibly buy you at Taco Bell?" And the answer is infinite. And we went to see fucking Gladiator. Yeah. And you sharted midway through the movie. I did. Due to the tigers' appearance. I got scared of the tigers. Yeah. Literally, when the second tiger came out, I went... ...and then I shat. I shat in the theater.
This Is the End
25.7s
Now, fellas, I want you to real sexy right now. We're gonna sing to all the ladies. All the fellas go like this, in your Barry White voice. # Take your panties off # Take your panties off # Come on, Rihanna Take your panties off for me # Come on, Craig, can you fuck off for me? # I'll do one of them things.
This Is the End
43.6s
Oh. You know what, actually? We should go to Franco's house soon. He's having a housewarming party. He just finished building his house. I haven't even seen it yet, but it's supposed to be bonkers. I haven't been in LA in, like, a year, and I came here to chill with you. We can chill together, and we'll chill with those other guys. We'll all chill as one big unit. Will I even know anybody there? You know James Franco. James Franco doesn't even know my name. Jonah Hill will be there. Can't stand him. He can't stand me. He's, like, the nicest guy in the world! He likes you so much. He specifically talks about how he likes you. Out of nowhere, he just said, "You know what? "Jay's an inspiration. " There's no way he said that. Also, just can't stand him. Okay, fine. Craig Robinson. Never met him. He's hilarious. Sweats a lot, but he's a great guy. So it's gonna be fun, man.
This Is the End
53.6s
It's better with more people. Hey, guys... - Jesus Christ. - Jesus! Sorry. Franco has this crazy open floor plan. I can hear every word you guys are saying. I might as well hang with you guys if that's cool. Nice. Coming in hot. I gonna grab a blanket from you. Give me that blanket. Get in the middle of it. That's good. That's it. It feels so much more safe now, guys. It's nice here. Should we spoon it? Yeah, you want to? No! Want to go... Dick to butt? No. My butt to you and then Jay. I don't want to butt to dick to anything. Are you docking into me? You're doing tip to me? Or what are you doing? Should we go butt to butt or dick to... Seth and I are gonna go ass to ass. Do you want to go front to front? No, I'm fine just going dicks up. Dicks up? I think I'm going dick to ass. You know what? I'm going Scarface-style. Both of you guys. Wait, yeah. There we go. Yeah. This is the best way. Good night, boys. Good night. Good night. Good night, guys. Night, my sweet guys. Good night. Sweet dreams, fellas.
This Is the End