Found 309 results

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A book of jokes.

Joker

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If it was me dying on the sidewalk, - you'd walk right over me. - To all of those who have been ignored by the system. And always remember, that's life! And as you see, Gotham is burning.

Joker

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Yes, ma'am.

Joker

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The news never ends. This is 1080 GCR. You get all the news you need, all day long. Good morning. It's 42 degrees at 10:30 on this Thursday, October 15th. I'm Stan L. Brooks, and here's what's happening. It's day 18 of the garbage strike, with 10,000 tons of garbage piling up every day. Even the nicest sections of the city are looking like slums. Health Commissioner Edward O'Rourke is declaring a city-wide state of emergency for the first time in decades. There's no need to wait until somebody dies or comes down with typhoid fever. It's already a serious situation. It's something that affects almost everyone in the city, no matter who they are or where they live. You can't go down no one avenue without seeing nothing but garbage and rats. It's starting to affect my business when customers can't get in here because of the garbage situation. I'm not out that long to smell it, but I think to look at it, it's terrible. It don't affect me except for the very bad smell here. It's horrific. It's a mess. I've been in this country for 50 years, and I've never seen anything like it. What is this world coming to? Put 'em in a room, let 'em sit there and talk until they get it over with. 24 hours, 48 hours, how long it takes. The idea of the National Guard moving in and cleaning up is a good idea. In other news, the building industry and landlords today expressed concern over the latest increase in heating oil prices. Renters in the metro area are certain to feel the pinch...

Joker

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How about another joke, Murray? No, I think we've had enough of your jokes. - What do you get... - I don't think so. ...when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Call the police, Gene! - I'll tell you what you get! - Call the police. You get what you fucking deserve!

Joker

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Ha!

Joker

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But my mother would always say, "You should enjoy it. One day, you'll have to work for a living." "No, I won't, Ma. I'm gonna be a comedian."

Joker

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Well, let me get this straight, you think that killing those guys is funny? I do. And I'm tired of pretending it's not. Comedy is subjective, Murray. Isn't that what they say? All of you, the system that knows so much, you decide what's right or wrong. The same way that you decide what's funny or not!

Joker

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Yo, what's up with your shoes, bro? Nice outfit, pal. If you're gonna be a clown, at least you could be a good one. You know that, right? - Hey! Hey! - Grab it! Go, go, go! Hey! He's coming! Come on, clown, let's go! We've got the sign. - Look at him running. - Let's go! Stop them! Go, go, go, go! Watch the car, watch the car!

Joker

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Stop them! Come on, run! Hey!

Joker

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Oh, why is everybody so upset about these guys? If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me! I pass you every day, and you don't notice me. But these guys, what, because Thomas Wayne went and cried about them on TV? You have a problem with Thomas Wayne, too? Yes, I do. Have you seen what it's like out there, Murray? Do you ever actually leave the studio? Everybody just yells and screams at each other. Nobody's civil anymore. Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy. You think men like Thomas Wayne ever think what it's like to be someone like me? To be somebody but themselves? They don't. They think that we'll just sit there and take it, like good little boys! That we won't werewolf and go wild! You finished? I mean, it's so much self-pity, Arthur. You sound like you're making excuses for killing those young men. Not everybody, and I'll tell you this, not everyone is awful.

Joker

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You okay?

Joker

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Go! Come on!

Joker

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I want to get it right.

Joker

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Oh, shit! Good hit. Come on! Beat his ass up. Come on! This guy's weak. He can't do nothing. Harder! Harder! Beat him up. Take his stuff. Let's go, let's go! Come on. Let's go!

Joker

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"I just hope my death makes more sense than my life."

Joker

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- Murray, one small thing. - Yeah. When you bring me out, can you introduce me as Joker? What's wrong with your real name? That's what you called me on the show. A joker. Do you remember? - Did I? - I don't know. Well, if you say so, kid, you know, Joker it is. It's good. Thanks, Murray.

Joker

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Yeah. This is exactly how I imagined it.

Joker