COLOSSUS: [SCOFFS] That's how we do it in Mother Russia.
Deadpool 2
40.5s
DEADPOOL: My world tour brought me home to this guy, Sergei Valishnikov. But we'll get to him in a moment. 'Cause I know what you're thinking. "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now... and, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every good family film starts with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7. [CHUCKLING] Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire. That's not CGI, folks. He's actually on fire. Yeah. You know I get paid to take out bad guys, right? But this guy? He was one of the worst of 'em.
Deadpool 2
2.1s
Oh, right. [GUNSHOTS]
Deadpool 2
32.5s
Time to make the chimichangas. 30 seconds. I finally know why I'm here. I was raised in this place. Well, not raised. I was tortured. Wow! It's your cosmic reason for being here. Shall we? This is gonna be fun. DEADPOOL: Yeah! Hey! Been meaning to ask you... what's with the dirty, disgusting hobo bear? It's not dirt. It's the blood of my dead daughter. Are You Bear, God? It's Me, Margaret. Give me some. They say laughter heals anything... except, of course, that. We should just cue the music.
Deadpool 2
2.2s
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
Deadpool 2
1.3s
[GUN CLICKS]
Deadpool 2
7s
Don't worry. You're not going to die. Although these will kill you. Hit it, Dolly. [9 TO 5PLAYING]
Deadpool 2
2.6s
[GROANS] That gun is amazing!
Deadpool 2
1.4s
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
Deadpool 2
27.5s
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy! He's really teeing it up, isn't he? Who gets to make the first joke? I think we should all do it at the same time. Good call. For $45, you get sucky-suck. BOTH: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. Fuck! The Proposition has a wonderful Guy Pearce performance. WADE: Wait, wait, wait! I wanna do mine over. Give us the line again. I need your help! Trust me, I'm even less happy about this than you are... but you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt! I can't bring him down alone. So here we are.
Deadpool 2
30.6s
Who is he talking to? And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender? Can we focus for a moment, ladies? Please, we need to talk about next month's meal plan. Obviously, everyone hated the ceviche. I read the suggestion box. I'm gonna stop you right there. I see through this weak act. You may have fooled Colossus with this nice guy shit... but not me. Don't be mean. Back off, NTW. No, no, no. Let her go. Let her go, it's okay. She has a right to be skeptical. Look at me. I'm an easy target.
Deadpool 2
1.5s
[GROANING]
Deadpool 2
1.8s
He's standing right behind you, isn't he?
Deadpool 2
2.8s
[SPITS] [YELLS]
Deadpool 2
6.5s
Don't do that. What? Why are you winking at me? [COUGHS]
Deadpool 2
5.6s
I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second. I'm Domino, and doubtful. [BOTH GRUNTING]