John, I need a man. Not a little boy with a teddy bear. I know, done. Man. Right here, in front of you, all right? Look at these pecs. These are man pecs. Look at the hair on my upper lip. That's man hair.
Ted
7.5s
Lori's a senior VP at a big, huge PR firm. It's not that big of a deal. Company's turning 20, huh? So you can bang it, but you can't get it drunk.
Ted
5.9s
Nobody's ever talked to me like that before. That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box.
Ted
4.5s
Now my phone fell under the seat somewhere. Can you call it? Yeah.
Ted
1.6s
Is that my ringtone?
Ted
1.4s
(SIGHS)
Ted
1.2s
(SIGHS)
Ted
1.2s
JOHN: Jesus.
Ted
24.7s
Look, Johnny, if we're ever going to get serious about opening a restaurant we got to start planning it now. Italian. Italian, yes. What's the special on Tuesdays? Eggplant parm. Chopped salad, half price. And it's a non-restricted place. Yeah. What do you mean? Anybody can come. Of course. Jews are welcome. Well, yeah. Why wouldn't they be? Exactly, that's what I'm saying. Why even bring that up? You don't bring it up, you just let them in. Why mention it? No one will. Why are we talking about it? You're talking about it. I'm just saying, let them in. Let them in. Right. Okay. Exactly. Good. No Mexicans, though.
Ted
9.7s
Hey, Ted. TED: Johnny, where are you? You got to get over here, man. Why, what's going on? Okay, so I'm having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment. And, John, Sam Jones is here.
Ted
12.3s
I wonder who it's going to hit first. So, if I told him once, I told him a million times these numbers do not add up. (GAGGING) Who did this to us? God damn it! I'm here on business!
Ted
3.7s
Did you really just fart? Yeah, but I pushed it that way with my hand.
Ted
5.5s
I guess this is it, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. First night on your own.
Ted
4.2s
It's Lance Armstrong's nut. I had it freeze-dried and bronzed.
Ted
2.2s
You know what? Fuck you. I don't even want to talk to you.
