You're not a very polite guest, are you? Shit! Ted, hello? Ted? What's the matter? Is he okay?
Ted
1.2s
(GASPING)
Ted
1.2s
Hi, Ted.
Ted
7s
I know I'm not a talking teddy bear, but at least you didn't have to make a magical wish to get me.
Ted
1.7s
He'll save every one of us!
Ted
16.9s
What? Sam Jones. Flash-fucking-Gordon is here. Holy shit! What? You remember I said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones? My buddy's in town with his cousin, and who do you think is with him? Sam Jones. Sam Jones is here, and, John, (WHISPERS) his hair is parted down the middle.
Ted
7.5s
If I had to make a guess I would say that you made up some bullshit excuse to get out of work to go to Ted's. Now, am I right?
Ted
1.3s
Ted?
Ted
1.8s
Ow! Fuck! Cocksucker!
Ted
1.7s
There we go.
Ted
1.2s
(SCREAMS)
Ted
1.7s
Mandy? No.
Ted
1.4s
Lori, what...
Ted
4.5s
Lori, will you marry me?
Ted
1.8s
It's a miracle.
Ted
6.4s
JOHN'S MOM: Listen to your father! Come here! Helen, get my gun. Dad, no! Is it a hugging gun? Helen, get my gun, and call the police!
Ted
8.4s
NARRATOR: And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three very special friends.
