Duration: 1m6s

Hey! Ma'am! Chill out, chill out! They are dangerous to the neighborhood! There's a clear focus going on here. I heard they burned down their last house. And they were reprimanded for that. We have a very strict three-strike policy at this school. So, they have one strike. If they get two more, then they're out. A strike? Well, listen, the way I do my job is, you know, I'm always thinking about the headlines, right? So, "Duke Lacrosse Team Rapes Stripper." Bad headline. "Fraternity Keeps Couple Awake"? That's not really even a headline. I don't even think it would make the local police blotter. Get ready to read the headline of the century. Extra, extra! "Baby Swallows Condom!" That's disgusting! Exactly! It's the frat's condom! That's the frat's condom! I have a headline for this. "Fraternity Practices Safe Sex." That's a good headline. I could get a raise off that headline. I got a headline for you. "Mean Dean Doesn't Realize That Frat ls Bad For Everyone." It's really not. It's very poorly worded. I don't think that would ever make it to print. I don't know where you went to school. I went here, okay? That's why I'm dumb! You know what? I just thought of another headline. "Negligent Parents Allow Baby to Swallow Condom."