Duration: 2m36s

What is that? That was the Christmas effort... from the once great Billy Mack. Oh, dear me, how are the mighty fallen. I can safely say that is the worst record I've heard this century... Oh, and coincidentally, I believe Billy will be a guest... on my friend Mike's show in a few minutes' time. Welcome back, Bill. Billy, welcome back to the airwaves. New Christmas single, cover of Love Is All Around. Except we've changed... the word 'love' to 'Christmas'. Yes, is that an important message... to you, Bill? Not really, Mike. Christmas is a time for people... with someone they love in their lives. And that's not you? - That's not me, Michael. When I was young and successful, I was greedy and foolish... and now I'm left with no one, wrinkled and alone. Wow. Thanks for that, Bill. - For what? For actually giving a real answer to a question. It doesn't often happen here... at Radio Watford, I can tell you. Ask me anything, I'll tell you the truth. Best shag you ever had? Britney Spears. - Wow. No, only kidding... She was rubbish. - OK, here's one. How do you think the new record... compares to your old, classic stuff? Come on, Mikey, you know as well as I do... the record's crap. But wouldn't it be great... if number one this Christmas... wasn't some smug teenager... but an old ex-heroin addict... searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popsters come Christmas... will be stretched out naked... with a cute bird balancing on their balls... and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat... with me manager Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because... our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness... of the moment we try to squeeze... an extra syllable into the fourth line. I think you're referring to... 'If you really love Christmas... ' 'Come on and let it snow. ' Ouch. So, here it is one more time, the dark horse for this year's Christmas number one, Christmas Is All Around. Thank you, Billy. After this, the news. Is the new prime minister in trouble already? I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes...