Ted 2

Ted 2 (stylized as ted2) is a 2015 American fantasy comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild. It is the sequel to Ted. The film follows the talking teddy bear Ted (voiced by MacFarlane) as he fights for his civil rights in order to be recognized as a person and not as property. The film also stars Mark Wahlberg, Amanda Seyfried, Giovanni Ribisi, Jessica Barth, John Slattery, and Morgan Freeman. Principal photography began in Massachusetts in July 2014. Ted 2 was released on June 26, 2015, by Universal Pictures. Despite the film failing to achieve the critical and commercial success of its predecessor, it still became a box office success, grossing $215.9 million on a $68 million budget. In January 2024, a prequel television series began streaming on Peacock.

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I'm starving. What the hell are you doing over there?

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I'm curing cancer. I'm cooking your fucking steak. What do you think I'm doing?

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What do I think you're doing? I think you're bleeding us dry, is what I think you're doing. Look at this, look at this. $129 at Filene's Basement. What are you buying over there, Tami? Gold bars? I need clothes for work. All right, Teddy? What do you mean? You wear a smook, you're a fucking cashier. Yeah? So are you! Yeah, exactly! And I'm not going out and buying designer shit! Oh,no,no, no,no,no! You're just buying weed, you're just buying drugs. You should fucking talk! I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me. Well, I have to interrupt you or else I never get to fucking say anything! Are you gonna let me finish talking? You're always cutting me off! Are you gonna let me finish talking? Are you gonna let me finish talking? It's important to look good at work. I am trying to climb the corporate fence, here! Nobody's in there to look at your ass! You're acting like an asshole! Oh, what am I acting like, Tami? You're acting like a fucking asshole! Like an asshole! That's what you're acting like! You don't got to dress like Elizabeth Taylor to put a yam in a plastic bag! I am the face of the business! Okay? The face of the business? So get the fuck off my case! Jesus Christ! Listen to you! You're delusional! I shoulcfve married Robert DiCicco. I really should've. Fine! Fine! Go torture that asshole! He treated me good! And (GASPS) he had a dick! He had an awesome dick! Oh, newsflash! Boston whore has seen Italian penis.

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What the fuck did you just call me, fucker? What did you fucking say? Jesus! What the fuck? You wanna call me a whore? You wanna throw shit? Yeah, I wanna fucking throw shit! I'll fucking throw shit! (GRUNTS) Oh. VVow. There, see! How do you like that?

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I'm scared, Teddy! I'm really fucking scared of you, you little fucking bear! NEIGHBOR: Shut the fuck up! Oh, for Christ's sake!

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Hey, you shut the fuck up! Why don't you come down and make me, tough guy? Yeah, why don't you come up here and make me come down there, tough guy? I am gonna come up there and I'm gonna kick your fucking ass! Yeah, why don't you try it, asshole? Get your ass up here and kick my ass! (SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch! Hey, shut up, lady! Run the fuck back to Russia, you whore! Get the fuck out of here! People are trying to sleep! God damn it! Shut the fuck up!

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Hey, I'm really sorry! Yeah, me, too. She's worse than us. Yeah, she's our enemy now.

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(EXHALES) Have you guys at least tried marriage therapy?

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Oh, God, yeah. it was a frigging disaster. $250 and we didn't learn a goddamn thing. $250? Dude, that's ridiculous! I mean, doesn't your insurance cover that or something? Nah, Tami-Lynn tried to sign up for Obamacare on the Internet, but I came back five minutes later, she was looking at black cocks. It seems like every time you go online, you're two clicks away from black cocks. Look. See, I'll Google "Grand Canyon." Here. Look, it says, "Did you mean black cocks?"

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I don't know, man. I got to do something or my marriage is gonna collapse. (SIGHS)

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Here you go, guys. We're gonna be closing in a few, but I'm going to this after-hours thing at my friend's apartment, if you wanna join. Oh, thanks, Allison. Butlgotan early day tomorrow. Oh, okay.

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Well, if you change your mind, here's the address.

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I put my cell number on there, too.

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Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me? What? What do you mean, "What?" After hours? Jesus,Johnny, she totally wants to sleep with you.

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I'm not into it. John, you've been saying that for over a year-and-a-half about every chick that throws herself at you. You got to get back in the game, man! No, don't start this shit, all right? Look, I wasted six years of my life with the wrong girl and I got burned. I'm not gonna make that same mistake again.

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Jesus,Johnny, you don't got to marry Allison. You just got to bang her and maybe pee on her a little. What? It's always good to find new ways to surprise your lover. Yeah, I got to take a leak.

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(EXHALES) Sorry, Allison. I tried. (SIGHS) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute. Yeah. Hey, can I get a Jack Daniel's with just a splash of Grey Goose?

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